Rita's Rants n Raves

Christmas Party

2008-12-18T07:18:00.002-06:00

Today is the girls' first school Christmas party and they are really excited about it. I use to be excited when M & R had their school parties but things have really changed regarding what you can and cannot bring in as a treat, making it harder for me to find a snack that all the children can eat.
In the last couple of years it has become more difficult for children to enjoy their parties at school because of the food allergies they are out there. I have never heard of food allergies until a few years ago and it just seems that more and more children have them. The Kings cousin has a daughter that has food allergies, and you can't help but feel sorry for her because she cannot eat a lot of the things she loves, however her mother had mentioned to me a while back that there are tons of substitutes out there and although the food is expensive it is what they have to buy in order for their daughter to stay healthy. I cannot imagine how kids that have food allergies feel. But it still gets me upset because now if I want the girls to take in a snack, I have to buy it first, cut out the ingredients label fill out a school form and send them to the school for approval, this needs to be done 2 weeks before the event. The Principal, the nurse and the teacher have to sign the form and return it to you. A lot of parents are now just buying holiday pencils, holiday plastic cups, erasers and little note books, not to mention this stuff adds up pretty quick too. You are spending more money on these little things when you can buy a whole tray of cupcakes for less. So needless to say the girls are upset that they are not taking anything to pass out, but I can't see myself spending money on dinky little things especially since I am not working. Besides if the majority of the parents are buying these things all the kids should be getting a head start on their school supplies for next year. I do hope though that for the sake of the kids that one day down the road there is a cure for food allergies, I hear that a lot of kids have it so bad that they can actually die. Here I am ranting about it and I just realized that the people running the school lunch rooms must really hate working in there now seeing that they have to order specific kinds of food to feed the children.

Mother Ship, come in Mother Ship.............

2008-12-16T09:43:00.003-06:00

That is, for my ex-husband! I know that I am not the only one with ex-spouse issues but damn I must take the cake! It has been over 6 years since I had gone back to court to see if I could get a modification on the child support I was receiving. My divorce attorney never told me that every two years I could go back to have the case modified. Well it had been 4 years since I had filed to get the child support money taken out of his checks. During our divorce proceedings I was told by my attorney that we just couldn't take the money out of his checks, that the courts wanted to see if he could make those payments on his own. LOL, what a crock! I knew and I told my attorney this, he will not pay me the support on is own. So after being 5 grand behind I finally took action on my own. Well since then the bastard has been fighting me on this. I had to finally hire myself an attorney which I now owe over 2 grand thanks to his stupid ass, not to mention I already paid her 2 grand. He has had 2 attorneys already, must be nice to have that kind of cash to line the pockets of attorneys instead of your own children. This past June (as a matter of fact on my wedding anniversary with my now husband) I had to go to court once again on this matter the judge stated he needed time to read the statements of the attorneys and would rule at a later date, in October (this is such a slow state it is not even funny) the judge ruled in my favor, the bastard owes me once again 5 grand (remember every 2 years the case gets modified) even though we no longer live in that state and the case is still opened I can get an increase in the child support. Had he let the case close we would then be in Illinois but nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo he has to be an ass about the whole thing, if I ever get the case closed I can then proceed to bring it over to Illinois which then the freakin' moron will have to pay more child support since the cost of living is higher in Illinois. So I pray that his freakin' mother ship comes soon for him, I don't know how much more of his shit I can take. Not to mention that he continues to cry to MY children that he has no money, that I have it all. Listen you SOB YOUR attorney has your money!!! If you weren't such a stupid fuck you would have known that! My attorney stated that it will be at least February of 2009 before I find out if his ass is going to pursue this torture, or not. His attorney has already filed for an appeal so they have 90 days from the date of the appeal to determine if they are going to fight me once again on money that is rightfully due to my children. I have 6 more years of his stupid shit, for in 6 years my son will be 18. I hate to say that I want my son to hurry up and turn 18 but I have dealt with that low life asshole for a very very long time, and I am just so tired of his shit.

Kids say the darnest things

2008-12-15T19:38:00.002-06:00

Yesterday around noon the King and I were talking while relaxing on our bed when our youngest came into the room to hang out with us. After awhile she said she wanted a hickey ride, I asked the King if he heard what I heard and he said "I think so", so I asked her again and she responded the same way. I then asked if she meant a piggy back ride and she said no, a hickey ride, so I asked her well what is that and she sighed and said "you know, when I get on your back and you take me downstairs", I laughed so much my stomach hurt. I corrected her and told her that it was called a piggy back ride, she just replied "oh". Precious moments like that really put a smile on my face.

Act like an adult already!

2008-12-15T19:27:00.003-06:00

You know, the one thing I dislike more than anything is when someone decides that they no longer want to talk to you, however instead of telling you this they go ahead and change their blog page, take you off as their friend in face book and choose not to see my family for Christmas. I really can care less if people do not want to talk to me, frankly I don't care because I have more important things in life to worry about, but when it involves my child(ren) that is when I get pissed. My children are not involved in the petty bullshit therefore there is no reason to ignore them as well. What am I suppose to tell my child(ren) when they ask if they are going to see these people? Well for one, I will not cover up for these people, I guess when the question is asked I will tell them exactly how I see it. Sure it will hurt my child but maybe this will show my kids that no one on this earth is perfect, and that as a human being we all have issues.

Feelings............

2008-08-21T22:54:00.003-05:00

Sad

Helpless

Frustrated

Angry

Loser

Lonely

Furious

Undeserving

These are just a few expressions of feelings going through my body, for quite awhile now I cannot stop feeling this way. I cry myself to sleep mainly because I miss my brother, but also because I am not working, things are not going well for me this year and there are still four more months left.

Sad: That may babies are going off to Kindergarten tomorrow, they are growing up so fast, how I
wish that they were babies again.

That the holidays will be coming soon and my brother will not be here with us.

Helpless: That I am not bringing in money to help with the finances
That I wasn't able to help my brother get out of the mess he is in.

Frustrated: That I haven't found a job yet
That my ex-husband won't just drop off the face of the earth
That my brother won't see his girlfriend for the bitch that she is

Angry: That I lost my job (once again)
That the world is not a safe place for children anymore (or was it ever?)
That my ex-husband is still fighting me in court for child support (it's been 6 years!)

Loser: This is how I feel, seeing that I cannot find a job that I can hold on to. I did once, was
there for 11 years but thanks to the President of the company, he decided to be a
greedy SOB and was stealing money from the company, thus making the FBI shut the
company down.

I also feel like this for not wanting to go back to school to better myself for a new career.

Bottom line is, my whole life I felt like a loser.

Lonely: So many things that make me lonely, like missing my grandparents, my brother, my
cousins (we were so close but we grew up and grew apart). I miss my godmother, she was a wonderful person just like my grandparents. My kids are growing up which means
pretty soon they will not need me as much as they do now.

Furious: With my brothers girlfriend, I know she is not honest with him and doing things behind
his back. With myself for all the things listed above. I need to let things go, I need to
not let things bother me so much. I may come off strong and bold but inside it kills me
what people thing about me or say about me. No one is perfect although I have many
relatives that believe that they are and tend to forget where they came from. Furious
with the way the economy is, if it were not this bad I would still have the job I dreamed
of 17 years ago.

Undeserving: I don't deserve to be married to the man I love, he is too good for me, he deserves
better. I don't deserve to have my kids, I love them with all of my heart but I
know that they could have a better person as a mother.
and lastly, the love of GOD, I have done things in my past that he would not
approve of, as a parent I know that I would not have approved my kids doing such
things, therefore I feel undeserving of his love.

4TH MAN IN MY LIFE

2008-07-21T22:25:00.003-05:00

Every girl dreams of marrying Prince Charming, or at least someone very close to that description. I was no exception, as a little girl I knew that I did not want to marry a doctor, a policeman nor a fireman, these guys would never be home and I wanted my husband home with me. I had my share of boyfriends, many had even asked me to marry them. The majority of them were jobless so I knew then there was no way I was going to marry a loser. I was wrong! At the age of 17, a Senior in High School I met a man (24 years of age) who was a Marine. I was in the J.R.O.T.C program for my four years of H.S. (graduated second in command, a great honor as far as the military goes) so when I met him for the first time I fell in love. Yeah I know what does a 17 year old know about love. Well let's just say I ended up marrying this creep, had 2 kids, and 5 years into the marriage it was over. The sad thing was that when I walked down the aisle with this creep I no longer was in love with him, I married him because we had a daughter and I felt that I owed it to her for her parents to be married, I know I know I was stupid. I swore then that I was done with men, I couldn't trust them, I had two children to raise on my own therefore I would not have time to date, which was fine with me. One woman who I worked with had told me that when I wasn't looking for a man it would be then that I would find one. I thought she was weird because that saying was weird, but it is one I will forever remember. There was one guy, tall skinny white guy, who worked in the computer room that would change my mind, even though I wanted nothing to do with him or any other man. This guy was very quite and would only say hi when we past each other in the hall. He surprised me one day when he sent me an e-mail. Now of course this was a long time ago so I will write the conversation as I remember it.
M: Hi
Me: Hi
M: you consider us friends right?
Me: sure, why
M: well, I was wondering if you would do me a favor
Me: it depends, what is it?
M: I have a wedding coming up in December and I was wondering if you would go with me as my date
Me: (I don't think I responded for what seemed a long time, but probably about 5 minutes, I was in shock)
M: hello?
Me: yeah I'm here. Well it depends, what day is it?
M: December 6th
Me: I don't know dude, I don't have anything to wear and I really can't afford to buy new clothes right now.
M: If you go with me I will buy you whatever you need
Me: Oh you don't have to do that. Can I get back to you?
M: Sure
So here I go asking people about M, many people we worked with knew him better than I did. All I knew was that he was quite, and polite, and that he dressed to the nines (which I liked). Every single person I talked to said he was a wonderful person and that I should go with him to the wedding. My excuse? He wasn't my type. I liked older men, we were the same age (well I am 7 days older than he is) so therefore he didn't qualify. People kept telling me that "for petes sake you are not marrying the guy, just going as his date to the wedding". So as nervous as I was I said yes, but under no circumstances was this a date, I was just doing a friend a favor, he said ok no problem. So I had him meet me at my best friends house, I didn't want him to know where I lived, what if he was a stalker! (LOL) It was a strange date to say the least, since he was a quite person we didn't talk much during the ride to the church nor did we talk much at the reception, nice huh. It was very awkward to say the least, he went off to dance with the bride and another female friend of his, they took pictures all the while I sat there alone not knowing a soul there. He introduced me to his friend, the bride, who thanked me for coming as her friends date, and said something to the fact of us dating, little did I know she was right. I was glad the night was over, seeing that we had nothing in common, he was a nice guy and I was glad to have done him a favor. Well M had asked me out for dinner soon after the wedding and I don't know why I said yes but I did, this time we had a good time. It was then that he asked me if I would be his date for his cousins wedding. WTF?? Are you serious? I hardly know this guy and I am now his wedding date for all weddings? LOL. I told him that I didn't think so, this was his family I was going to be around, there was no way I would feel comfortable. Once again I don't know why I said yes but I did, and once again I had a good time. I remember meeting one aunt in paticular, she was the grooms mother, and I fell in love with her on the spot, she came and hugged me and thanked me for coming and was introducing me as M's date (urgh). She even had me get into the family picture (what did she know that I didn't that made her want to have me in the family picture?) From that point on M and I were an item, we didn't go out on dates much because I had my kids and they came first, and I didn't want the kids to know about him because I was not sure where this relationship would go. I had my friends set me up on blind dates while I was going through my divorce (yuk yuk yuk) because I had said I was through with men, and here I was catching one on my own without even knowing that I really wanted it. As I got to know M I grew to like him. I could tell that he had family values, his parents had done well raising him. He was polite, such a gentleman, and treating me like a woman (not a possession) a person, something I never got before. I liked being treated like I was special, and it was then that I felt in my heart that this could be the man for me, the man of my dreams, my prince charming. I had a feeling that he was going to propose I just didn't know when and when he did I was floored at the engagement ring he had bought, I had never seen anything like it! I told him that I couldn't say yes until he asked my daughter for permission, I was so worried about how she would feel, as far as I could tell she liked him but did she like him enough to allow him into our lives? Her input was important to me and I didn't want to marry this man if she was not going to be on board with it. I remember M being so nervous, it was so cute, how could a man be nervous talking to a 5 year old? So M came to my house and sat down with her, he told her that he loved her mommy and not only did he want to marry her mommy but that he wanted to marry her and her little brother as well, he wanted us to be a family, he then gave her a ring (with her birthstone), I was in awe that he would do something like that. If I remember correctly I think he got on his knee and put the ring on her finger, I tried not to peek into the room but I couldn't help it. :)

The following year we were married, and I really didn't care if we had a big wedding ( I already had one) but I knew his mother wanted one for her son. M took care of all the wedding arrangements, he had picked out the dress he wanted me to wear and although it was beautiful it just didn't look right on me. The only thing he had nothing to do with was the Mariachi, this man even bought me my wedding shoes!!! He is such an incredible man, how could I not want to marry him? I truly believe that GOD sent this wonderful man into my life, at a time when I was at my low.
Looking back now it is funny because M and I worked for the same company for almost the same amount of time and little did we know as we past each other in the hallways everyday that we would be married to each other one day. In the last 9 years of being married to M we have had our share of laughs, tears, grief and joy, we added two more children into the family and I can honestly say that I am happy, happy that I have finally found the man of my dreams.

3rd Man in My Life

2008-05-13T22:27:00.002-05:00

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to have six kids, yes you read right, six. I wanted three boys and three girls and I wanted the boys to be born first, so that way they could take care of their little sisters if they were being picked on. I was 25 when I was pregnant with my first child. A child I was hoping was a boy (not to mention healthy). I admit I was a little sad when my daughter was born because I really wanted a boy but I thanked GOD for a beautiful healty girl.
4 1/2 years later I was pregnant with my second child, this time I wanted a girl that way my daughter wouldn't be so lonely and would have someone to play with. This time I had my boy. I was shocked because I had all the same symptoms that I had with my first pregnancy so I thought for sure it was a girl. What a handsome little boy he was. He was born with hair and fair skin but as the months went by he lost the majority of his hair and he looked like a little white boy, lol, thus giving him the nickname "guerro". I should have known that as soon as he started rolling around (at four months) that he would be a handful in the years to come. He was a stubborn little boy, he would crawl onto my coffee table and I would tell him no and move him away from the table only to see him back there seconds later. His laugh was so different from any other baby laugh I had ever heard, it was more of a squeal and it was the funniest thing to hear, it always made me laugh. He was such a happy baby unaware of the misery that lingered in our home. He was four months old when I seperated from his father, so he never knew what it was like to be raised by his biological father. But yet as my boy grew older he had so many of his father's bad traits, it was weird. This boy was such a hyper boy when he was 2, 3, 4 heck he still is, lol. Always keeping me on my toes, me never knowing what this kid was going to do next, always the unexpected. He adjusted as well as he could to a life without his biological father. The man comes and goes in his life and I know it still bothers my son but he knows that there is nothing he can do about it. My son will turn 12 this year, and I still cannot believe how much he has grown. Everyone of his teachers from kindergarten to his 5th grade teacher have told me that my son has potential, he can be anything he wants to be when he grows up he just needs to learn to take his time and really concentrate on his studies, I have told him what his teachers have said and he smiles, I know it makes him feel good that people notice how good he is in school and in outside activities. Two years ago my husband had finally convinced him to play sports so he plays flag football in the fall and soccer in the spring. All year round he is in Karate, this will be his second year and he already is a 1st degree orange belt. Right now he has one goal in life and that is to continue with Karate until he becomes a black belt, I hope he continues because he is really good at it. Even in the sports he plays his coaches have all loved having him on their team. My son has come a long way with his lashing out when angry and has improved but he does still have a little ways to go yet. I know he has anger in him as far as his father is concerned but I just hope that the love my husband and I give him will over power that anger and he will be able to move on with his life as he gets older. He has been on the honor roll this whole year as well.
I know I had wanted three sons at one time, but my Raymond is three sons all in one, lol. I love this boy so much and I am trying so hard to raise him not to be like his father, I want him to be a man, to stand up for himself when necessary and yet know how to treat others and not treat them as trophies, to respect people so that they in turn will respect him, and to be a man of his word, because that is important in life.
My son knows that if he does wrong he will get repremanded big time, and he has in the past gotten in big trouble for things he has done, I just hope that he learns from his mistakes. He has never been nor will he ever be a mama's boy, and he is learning how to load and unload the dishwasher (which he hates,lol) and this summer he will be cutting the grass and possibly other chores as well. I want him to be independent and not having to rely on others. I hope all my dreams for him come true, that he goes off to college and becomes someone that helps others. I am so proud of my son and I love him very much, I am also glad that I only have one son that way he doesn't have to feel that he needs to compete in life with a brother (sibling rivary). He is such a special young man and I am proud to say that he is my son. One of the special men in my life.

Finaly Goodbye

2008-03-02T12:14:00.002-06:00

Well yesterday was the wake of Roger. There was a peaceful feeling in the room. My cousin T looked good considering what she is going through, she looked peaceful as well. Their kids, my goodness how they have grown, are so well behaved and look so much like their daddy. So many things that alot of us didn't know about him which is sad seeing he was in the family for over 15 years. I had wrote in a previous blog that they had found out about his tumor after their bad car accident which was incorrect. My cousin T stood up and talked about her life with Roger when the services were coming to an end. And I believe there was not one dry eye in the room once she was done. I don't see how she had the strength to talk for about 20 minutes but she did. They found out about the tumor a week before they got married, and yet the day of their wedding they were so happy and neither one of them looked like there was anything wrong. These two were so made for each other, they were so in love you can see just how strong their love was. She talked about the last week of his life which was amazing. On one of the days he told her that he wanted to go and get thier taxes done. He could barely talk barely get around and here he said "taxes". So off they go to get that done. The next day he said a few words and my cousin couldn't understand what he was saying but after a few times of saying it she understood that he wanted her to call and make sure that the financial part of the insurance and disability was in order. On the day that would be his last time he was taken to the hospital my cousin told the kids that she thought this was the end for their daddy and that they need to say goodbye.
Roger was able to talk to both of his babies. His son now 10 went in first and told his father, "daddy I love you and I want you to know that I am so proud that you are my daddy". Roger responds with tears "you are the best son, I am so proud that I am your father, I love you too". His little girl age 5 went in next and told her daddy that she loved him and he replied "I love you and you will always be my little girl". That was the last time they saw thier daddy alive.
How amazing that he was able to say goodbye and his kids were able to do the same. Not everyone has a chance to say what they want before someone dear passes away.
Even though I am still very angry that a wonderful person has been taken from his family, I know that he is no longer in pain and all the suffering he went through for 11 years is gone. I pray that my cousin has the strength to continue raising their children as they would have together. May GOD be there for these little children and comfort them through their journey in life.

I never knew just how amazing my cousin is until she had to go through all of these for 11 years I just wish I had her strength. She truly is incredible.

A GIFT FOR ME? FROM ME?

2008-02-25T21:23:00.004-06:00

Some of you know me quite well. And for those of you who don't, well lets' just say that I don't like spending money foolishly. My husband on the other hand is just the opposite. I always think of others when it comes to spending money before I spend some on myself, that is until Feb. 2nd when I did something that I have never done before nor do I think I will do it again (but it felt good doing it). Now let me start by saying that if I need or want something I tend to buy it at Walgreens, Walmart, Target, K-Mart, you get the picture right? So I will not buy a pair of shoes that are over $25.00 nor jeans that are over $25.00 to me that is just crazy. Jewlery: well if I want a cheap pair of earrings I will get them at the above stores and be happy. This time I had been thinking probably since December that I wanted to go into a jewlery store and buy "ME" somthing. I don't know why I felt this way but I did and it took me awhile to get the courage to do it. Now my DH doesn't care that I spend money as a matter of fact he wants me to spend money on myself. So here I go, into a jewlery store that his cousins wife works at. I waited awhile for her because she was taking care of a customer, so I looked around the store and at times I wanted to walk out of there, I mean who was I kidding, I couldn't really afford what they have there. I saw quite a few things that I liked but what I was really looking for was a watch, I needed one, I have gone a while without one but I hated the idea of not having one on. So there I was trying to decide which one I liked, since I couldn't choose I asked L to help me decide. She is really good at her job and knows my taste. It came down to two watches and L says "why not buy them both". LOL are you kidding me? I probably cannot afford one let alone two. So we agree that one is nicer than the other one and so I say to her "Ok what is the damage" feeling a little embarrassed if it was like $300.00 or more, I could never see me spending that kind of money on a watch. The most I ever spent on a watch was probably $29.99. Sure the expensive ones look nice but they are all going to do the same thing, tell time. L says oh this is not bad at all, "oh good I thought". And she tells me the price and I wanted to laugh and say I thought it wasn't bad". So I tell myself just get the watch, you really like it and you really need one. So I pulled out the good ole' card and said I will take it.
I think both my parents would have freaked out if I told them that I spent $170.00 (give or take) on a watch, they raised me to spend wisely and this to them was not wisely, lol

So, as I am driving home I keep saying "I can't believe I did this, I can't believe I did this, I should go back and say I changed my mind". I was actually freakin' out. I am sure that many of you out there are laughing at me and perhaps even saying that $170.00 is a cheap watch. But again I am not use to spending alot of money on things such as a watch. I'll be honest with you, it felt real good to pull out the card and make a purchase that I know was just for me but I am not sure if I will be doing it again in the near future, who knows.
For a week I was still in shock and I even slept with my watch on, I know it sounds childish but if you really know me I guess you would understand. :)

ROAD RAGE!!

2008-02-20T22:41:00.002-06:00

Tonight was my monthly dinner date with my cousin K, as always I had a good time.
As I was driving home (in the fast lane) I didn't notice that a white mini van was coming up fast behind me. In the slow lane was a semi-truck and there was a car in front of me. Well this guy comesthisclose behind the semi, and I thought to myself (I hate when people tailgate!) Well there was no room for this moron to merge over to my lane, OR SO I THOUGHT! This jackass merges over without warning (meaning no blinker) and makes me slam on my brakes. Well I lay on my horn to let him know that it was uncalled for what he just did, and this SOB has the nerve to roll down his window and flip me off. Well for those who know me well you all know that I was not going to let him get away with that. I could not believe that he did that, I mean he is the one who could have cause an accident! So I put my brights on and for about 5 miles I drove like that until he merge back over to the other lane. Of course when he did that I turned my brights off and went on driving while this moron continued to merge in and out of the lanes. About 20 minutes later I noticed (yes I am watching on where he is going) that he has his turning signal on (WOW, all of a sudden it works) looks like he is getting off at the exit where the casinos are. So as I pass him he honks his horn and is flipping me off. DAMN THIS MAN!!! So of course I too honk my horn at him and flip him off. I know I know it was not the smartest thing to do but he just pissed me off thinking he could drive like an ass and yet have the nerve to flip people off.
If he was going to the casino I hope he loses all his cash!!!!!

COMMUNICATION, FINALLY!

2008-02-20T22:14:00.002-06:00

I come from a big family of aunts, uncles and tons of cousins. The one thing about my family is that many of them (including me) hold grudges, this bit of info comes in handy in this blog.
I have two GodChildren, a girl and a boy, the boy is also my nephew. The girl is the daughter of one of many cousins. Now the girl (Maddie) was my first GodChild, I was honored when I was asked to be her GodMother, I knew what my duties were as far as being a part of this childs life and I was willing to do whatever I had to to keep that promise.
As Godparent you are promising GOD that you will help this child believe in GOD have faith in GOD and follow the steps of GOD. I was off to a good start until Maddie's mother (my cousin) decided to pull her from visiting me. I am not sure why that was it was so long ago but never the less it hurt. I would send her gifts for her birthday, Christmas, Valentines, Easter and just because gifts and cards throughout the years. Word had it that my cousin wanted to throw everything away but people convinced her not to do so. This went on for a few years until one year I was able to see her again, oh what joy it was to see her yet sad because of the years I missed. Maddie knew then that I loved her, I would tell her everytime I talked to her and I wrote it in the cards I would send her. Then once again I couldn't see Maddie again. I think my cousin is bipolar(sp) she has a lot of anger in her too (that is the fault of her parents) She never gave me a reason but I know it had to do with my mother, I know it sounds dumb but like I said in the beginning there is a lot of us not speaking to each other for many many reasons.
But three years ago I could no longer see Maddie. Sad as it is I try not to dwell on it other wise I will cry ( I am very emotional). Just the other day my eldest daughter received a text on her phone and it was from Maddie! She was using her sisters phone. So I was able to text her back, I told her that I missed her and loved her very much, she replied that she knows I love her and that she loves me back. She mentioned that she wanted to ask her mother if I could go and visit but I told her not to because she might get repremanded for talking to me. She sent me a text photo of herself and I cannot believe how much she has grown, she will be a teen next month, boy how time flies. It made my night just to know that she does think of me just like I think of her and that she took the time to text and to let me know she is doing ok. I guess it looks like I will have to wait until she is 18 before I see her again. But that is ok, it is well worth the wait. I will take her out for lots of dinners so that we can catch up on our lost times together.

KIDS AND TIMES JUST NEVER CHANGE

2008-02-15T09:40:00.002-06:00

Growing up was hard for me, I was this skinny skinny long haired girl, who was (back then) shy and scared to talk to anyone. I am sure that all of us at one time or another have been picked on or made fun of at school. Sure I had some friends but the ones who were "cool" never gave me the time of day. Of course as I started High School, I still kept to myself only because the school I was attending was not such a safe school to be in, I still had my small group of friends but kept my distance from others.
My son came home yesterday (Valentine's Day) and he looked bummed, so I asked him what was wrong and he said he had a bad day, I told him to tell me what happened so he proceeds to go through is "ENTIRE" day, once he is done I look at him and ask "So why are you so bummed? Nothing you told me explains why you look sad". He says I can't tell you. Oh yes you can and I want to know now is my repsonse. He says that he wanted to give a girl something for Valentine's Day (she was once his little girlfriend for about a week,lol) so his big sister gave him a necklace to give to this girl. He said at recess he went up to her and asked her to be his Valentine and gave her the necklace, she looked at it and through it on the floor and said "No I will not be your Valentine, I don't like you". So I went to where my son was standing and I hugged him and said to him "I will always be your valentine son and do not worry because you are going to go through this time and time again with girls, but right now you are so young to be worried about things like this and in time there will be girls that like you and will want you to be their boyfriend." Then he says "well when is that?" My reply? "When you are 24 dude!". LOL
My thing is why are kids so rude to each other? This little girl crushed him, does she have no clue how long it took him to get up the courage to ask her? She could have at least said "Sorry R I am someone elses Valentine, and leave out the I don't like you part. But I have told my son just like I told my eldest daughter that there are going to be girls/guys coming in and out of your life and when you feel one of them is the right one you will be on cloud nine and it will feel right to be together. My son was pretty quiet the rest of the night, but today he seemed his self so hopefully he got over what happened and will just continue with his young life, going to school to learn lots of things and hopefully what happened yesterday will make him become a better person, a stronger person. I did tell him that life sucks sometimes especially if something doesn't go your way. I wish I would have had someone to talk to when I was young then I would have known that kids can be cruel to each other but don't take it personal they are just rude people trying to look cool.

VALENTINE'S DAY!

2008-02-13T21:58:00.002-06:00

Since my twins were about a year, I started doing something for my kids every Valentine's Day except for the last two years inwhich my eldest daughter has made comments about how she misses those days. The first year we were living at my in-laws house as we waiting for our house to be built and last year I was to exhausted and still getting use to having two additional kids living with us.
But what I do is I cut out different colored hearts and write things like 'You're cute" "Be Mine" "Mommy's baby girl" "You're Awesome" "Mommys' Prince" and I tape them on their bedroom doors, I then get them a small box of candy, a small teddy bear, a card, a balloon and a rose. In the morning of Valentine's Day they see the hearts on the doors and it makes me feel good because they have smiles on their faces and while the twins cannot read they will have me read them. Then right before the older kids get home I place the rose, the bear the card the candy and the balloon on each of their beds.
I went out today and bought all the things listed above except for the roses, I will purchase those tomorrow morning, but boy I cannot tell you how expensive it was, but I know it was well worth it because I will see how happy my kids are to get these things on what we all consider a mushy day. Of course the girls have no clue what Valentine's Day is but that is ok, like a lot of people say "It's just another day". To me it is a special day because we don't go out on a daily basis to buy our loved ones a rose or candy, and even though I tell my kids and husband that I love them everyday just getting those little things makes it special to tell them.

Second Man in my life.............

2008-02-10T21:16:00.000-06:00

Don't ask how I can remember what I am about to write but I do, there are many things I remember when I was four and this is one of them.

I remember the day my mother went into labor with her second child, I being her first. It was at night I was already in bed and I heard my father on the phone with my grandmother telling her that they were going to drop me off at her house. While I was at my grandparents house I remember going to the phone when it rang and I was allowed to talk to my father on the phone I asked him if I had a brother and he said no that I had a sister, I hung up the phone. I was so mad because for some reason I wanted a brother and from that day on I would forever have issues with that sister.

Finally after waiting 13 years my wish came true. At the age of 17 I had a brother! For the first time in my life I knew what the word love meant. I loved that baby like if he were my own child. It was me who would end up getting his bottles at 2 in the morning, feeding him changing him rocking him to sleep and sometimes having him sleep with me so that I could get some sleep before I had to get up in the morning for school. I had a part-time job after school and when I would get paid the first thing I would do is go to Wolworth and buy my brother a toy. This boy never needed anything, I got him everything I could buy. I would take him out for walks in his stoller or take him outside just for some fresh air. He was my world.
When I was 18 I moved out, not because I wanted to but because I couldn't get along with my father, it killed me not to see my brother everyday, but I got to bring him to my apartment every weekend and boy did I enjoy that. I took him to the carnivals to the circus and even the zoo. I strongly feel that the guy I was dating at the time was jealous at the time I wanted to spend with my brother, but I couldn't help it I loved that little boy so much. Once I got married (the first time) the visits became minimal, not because I wanted it that way but because my then jealous boyfriend was now my husband.
I even took the day off on my brothers' first day of school, I cried when I had to leave him but I was there when school ended, I couldn't wait to see him and ask how is first day was. My brother was indeed spoiled I couldn't help but spoil him. I wanted to spend more time with my brother so I would go over to my parents house after work everyday just to spend some time with him. I was at all of his baseball games, I think I was the only one at the games with skirts and high heels!
As he got older we spent less time together and it broke my heart but I knew that we still had this bond between us that could never be broken. To me it was the blink of my eye when here I was at his High School Graduation, wow 18 years old and he was going to college and had a part time job, I saw a good future for him................
But that all changed because of where my parents lived. Gangs where everywhere and always trying to recuit him. He would tell me that he was more afraid of our parents kicking his ass than of the gangs. He never got into trouble in school and had many friends. My mother feared that if he didn't get out of the neighborhood that something bad would happen to him. So instead of talking to me she went straight to the sister I never got along with. And because of the bad blood between us she took my brother in just to spite me, she had rules for him as well. As long as he lived in "her" house he was never to come and visit me. My dad would bring him over to see me and oh what a joy it was to have him in my arms again. By then I had two kids of my own and on my second marriage but my love for this boy never ever changed, he knew I loved him but he was afraid of confrontation with his other sister so he stood away more than I know he wanted.
Well after a few years living with the "bad seed" she decided she no longer wanted him to live with her, so my mother called begging me to take him in. I was mad at her for not coming to me years before and I told her so, but I also told her that she didn't have to beg me to take him in, my door was always opened for him. I talked to my brother about it and he decided to go back home to where he would have his own room again. He was hurt, I could tell by his face that he would have to move back home because his own sister didn't want him anymore, and he knew that he could have stayed with me but because my place was not big enough at the time he chose not to stay with me. I will never forgive the bad seed for throwing him out! For it was then that his life was to change forever.
He was going to college and working but decided to take some time from school to work full time so that he could start saving money. When he moved back home he started going out with his friends, wanting to meet a girl and start dating. Well he met someone alright, someone who didn't deserve him, all she wanted was for someone to support her and her four kids. He fell hard for her and where I grew up everyone knows everyone so we knew she was trouble. My mom was hard on him which I knew was not going to work as far as him listening. I tried talking to him and telling him to please be careful. But he didn't listen to me either, (sigh)
He was dating this person (whom is 10 years his senior) for about 6 months when he lost his job, that is what happens when you choose to shack up with a broad instead of going to work. Soon after that I get a call from him telling me that I was going to be an aunt. I cried that night but I knew that I couldn't tell him how upset I was because he was sounded so happy, and to me that was all that mattered. He ends up having a healthy boy, I meet his son and I was happy for him. At this time they had to move in with my parents because not only is she a loser she is a gambler and would gamble his checks away instead of paying the rent. Now at this time the father of her two older children steps in and takes them away from her, leaving her with her two other kids that are not from this guy plus my nephew. Well I won't go into details about the living arrangements because we all know that living with other adults just don't work. She would sleep all day and go out all night while my brother watched the three kids, not to mention that at this point he has another job but if she didn't get home till 7am and he had to be at work at 7am there was no way this job was going to last seeing that they only the one car. Well, yep I was right that job was gone. Oh sure I know that not all of this is her fault, I mean my brother did let her get away with it instead of putting his foot down, but remember he is one that does not like to argue or fight, he would rather agree with you just to prevent argrument.
I had gone to visit my nephew/godson one day when my brother came up to me and stated that the broad was pregnant (AGAIN). He knew this time I was not happy. I told him that they both needed to get jobs and save their money to get their own place, they couldn't be mooching anymore. Once again I was not listened to. A week before my newphews' first birthday his little sister enters the world. MY FIRST NIECE!!! Here I was 40 and I was so excited to have a niece. I thought that perhaps things would change for the better for my brother, but his nightmare began 2 months after his daughter was born. I cannot say for sure what happened, and I know I will never know but the baby had a broken arm, naturally DCFS stepped in took the kids and both parents were charged for harming the baby. At this time I aged 10 years. MY BABY BROTHER WAS GOING TO JAIL!!!!!!! And there was nothing I could do to save him. Our lives were turned upside down in a matter of seconds and I just wanted to die. This young man whom had never had a fight of any kind was so quite and sweet was now behind bars. Now my parents never had a savings, always living paycheck to paycheck had to come up with bail money, we do not know any people that have that kind of money, how could this be happening to my family! My parents had to come up with $30,000.00, my brother called crying that we had to get him out, he had no clue as to what they charged him with nor the amount his bail was. The detectives did to him what they have done to others and what we see them do to people in the movies. They forced them to sign confessions. My brother trusts and believes in people so much that it was costing him his freedom. For 30 days he was in jail, I went to him and I just wanted to die, this precious person that was a part of me was in a place he didn't belong. I knew that this was killing my parents, I had never ever heard my mother cry the way she was for her son. I would talk to him on the phone everyday and he would tell me that he knew he was coming home before Thanksgiving, I never told him that I didn't think he would, he truly believed he would and I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. My parents took out their 401k funds cashed in their life insurance policies to finally come up with his bail. It took weeks before they would get the checks and then of course they had to wait for the funds to clear. The day before Thanksgiving two years ago, by brother lay on his bed in jail and said a prayer with the priest that came by that night and as the lights went out he said to his cellmate "I am going home tonight". He did indeed go home that night and he called me as soon as he was in my dads van and all we could do was cry. I saw him on Thanksgiving Day, I grabbed him and hugged and kissed him not wanting to let him go. We knew his nightmare was far from over but at least he was alive and home where he belonged.

Tomorrow my brother has court again, and this time he wants to plead guilty, he told me that he is tired of all of this and that he wants his kids back home with him. I told him that if he pleads guilty he will go to jail for a long time and that this will be on his record for the rest of his life. Not only will this kill me but I do not think my parents will survive this. This nightmare has taken alot out of our lives, and I pray that this time he will listen to me and ask the courts for a jury trail, at least this way he has a chance, a chance for his freedom, a chance for his children, a chance for his life.
No matter what he decides tomorrow, I could never stop loving him, for he is part of my world, someone that I prayed to GOD for when I was four years old, he is my brother.........................

First man in my life

2008-01-27T18:57:00.000-06:00

One would think that the first man in my life would be my father. However in this case it is different, sure as a baby my father was indeed the first man but as I was growing up I saw my grandfather as the father figure I needed. The first 5 years of my life I basically lived with my grandparents which was fine with me. I loved being there, I felt loved and I was very well cared for. My parents worked so my grandparents are the ones who took care of me.

My grandfather was born in Mexico and like others before him (and afterward) came to the US to find good jobs and to better his life. In Texas he met and married my grandmother and they started their family. From all the stories I have heard about my grandfather he was an awesome person, he loved life and made the best of what he had to provide for his wife and his 8 children.

After having several children my grandfather moved his family from Texas to Chicago and worked at the famous Wisconsin Steel Mill. Even though he didn't make a lot of money working there he was able to put all of his children in a Catholic school. My grandfather was a very hard worker and did his best to put food on the table and clothes on the backs of his family.
Some would say that my grandfather was a strick man, and I do agree with that, but he was that way because he loved his family and wanted a good life for them. He was always there when someone needed help, never turning his back on anyone. He loved helping people. I heard that once he met people that needed a place to stay, he was taking his family on a trip and decided to let them stay in their home while they were gone. When they came back from vacation they found that these people that my grandfather trusted had taken everything my grandparents had.

I was his first granddaughter, fourth grandchild and yes at that time I know I was "his" little girl, of course, that changed as the other grandchildren came but for four years I had the attention of my grandparents. Now my grandfather was not at all affectionate, he never said "I love you" but everyone knew that they were loved, I knew that I was loved and that was good enough for me. He was very tough and as a little girl I was afraid of him. He had a loud bark but he was a puppy at heart. You could tell just by looking at him that when my grandmother came into the room that he loved her so. He use to tell the same story about how when he was 17 he had held a baby girl in his arms and said that this baby was sooooo beautiful that when she grew up he would marry her, well that baby was my grandmother and although we would laugh at that story and say that we didn't believe him he would say it was the truth and stuck to that story for years.
I had to write a paper one year for school and I asked him about his life and from what I can remember is that he was the eldest of 3, he had two brothers that he had to raise because their parents had died when they were young, and how he had to provide for his little brothers and when they had no where to turn for food they would carve the bark off of trees and suck the sap out of them to survive. I got an A on that paper, and as I read that paper in front of my class there were tears from some of my peers.

I use to love hearing him talk on the phone because he would speak broken English, I thought it was cute, his accent was deep but I could understand what he was saying.
I also loved hearing him whistle the tunes from songs that played on the radio, and I remember that he would sit in his favorite chair by the window and read the paper, sometimes out loud.

Throughout his life I was told that he had had 5 or 6 heart attacks, he bounced back from each of them. I thought that nothing would bring him down, but in 1982 he suffered a stroke and this time he was not so lucky. I saw him before he slipped into a coma I remember that he had tears in his eyes, and yet he reached for my hand, I held his tight not wanting to let go, he couldn't speak although he tried. I told him not to worry, he would get better soon and that I would be there to help him get better, never knowing that would be the last time I would see him alive.

The memories from that year will haunt me forever, for the first man in my life was gone, forever. It took a long time for me to talk about him without having tears in my eyes (11 years to be exact).
GOD gave me the pleasure of knowing this great man for 17 years and there will never be other man like him. I just know that one day it will be my turn to go home and it will be then that I will see my wonderful grandfather and he will embrace me in his arms and I will feel like his little girl again.

GOD HAS BEEN BUSY THE LAST TWO WEEKS.......

2008-01-25T11:45:00.000-06:00

Wow in the last two weeks we have heard sad news over and over again, two movie stars are gone, two Chicago politicans are gone, and now a news anchor is gone. Randy from channel 2 news past away this morning from a snowmobile accident, he was only 45. 45!!!!
It sent a chill down my spine. He was in his prime, living life to the fulliest is what his collegues stated. Left behind a wife and three children. I always thought he was cute, very cute.
When someone so young dies it brings thoughts, crazy thoughts for me anyways. My biggest fear is dying before my children are adults. I hate hearing or reading of a person dying living behind small children. I don't want anyone raising my kids, oh I know my husband is a wonderful father and would do probably a better job than I in raising our children but just the fact of never being able to hold them again just scares the hell out of me.
I do not remember a time in my life where so many well known people past away one right after the other. This New Year has already not been such a good year after all for so many people.
May GOD bless those whom he called home and the families that they left behind.

The men in my life

2008-01-16T22:48:00.000-06:00

Last spring my cousin started her blog page and as I read a few of her stories my brain was thinking I should do the same, but what would I write? And of course when would I find the time? One of her postings was about the women in her life, I believe there were 5 that she admired. That got me thinking (yes I know scary thought) about the people in MY life, and I came to the conclusion that I would write about the men in my life. There are a total of 5. I will start with the first man that touched my life and go from there. These men I love more than anything, I adore them and will always cherish them in my heart. So stay tune for my stories, I am sure each story will be long, so curl up in your chair perhaps with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate to keep you warm and a blanket to snuggle with (maybe even some kleneex) I know I will have a few boxes on hand........

MY BIGGEST RANT YET!!!!!!

2008-01-15T22:24:00.001-06:00

Ya know last year I swore that I was never having another birthday party for my kids, however I thought since the SuperBowl is on M's birthday (AGAIN) and seeing that I still have my foster kids, I knew that we couldn't take her out to dinner so I figured "what the hell" let's have a small party for her. Now I know that everyone has plans for that day, I understand that, there is no problem, as a matter of fact a lot of you stated that as long as it was early you would come for a few hours then head out to your superbowl parties (thank you). MY problem is not with any of you that I invited, in fact it has to do with some that I did not invite.

I received an e-mail from my BIL's wife the other day inviting us to their sons 14th b-day party. Once again it is on a Sunday and at 3 in the afternoon!! THEY LIVE IN DEKALB!!!!!!! By the time everyone shows up and eats and watches the kid open his gifts it is about 7/8 pm and it takes about an hour to drive home. WTF!!!!!!!!! And everytime they have parties for their kids (there are four of them) my husband goes whether we have plans already or not. Which in a way I understand because he is their uncle and one of the kids' GodFather but what PISSES me off is that when I "USE TO" invite them to my kids' parties they always had things going on, NOT TO MENTION, my BIL is my daughter L's GODFATHER!! It's funny how my MIL always made my hubby feel guilty if he mentioned that we had plans, her response was "You just have to go you are his GodFather". Well lady the same should apply to your other son as well. I don't expect gifts, all I want is for my kids to be around their family. Now my girls are 5 and out of the 5 parties I had for them my BIL showed up to 2 of them, was late to the girls first birthday party, in fact they showed up at the same time people were leaving because THE PARTY WAS OVER!! Let's not go into why they were late, that is another topic in itself. One party my BIL came with one of his kids the next time his wife came with 2 of their kids and let's see that leaves 2 more parties with NO SHOW!!! And the thing is they could have at least sent a card and mailed it to the girls, no need for any money in it JUST A FUCKIN' CARD WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE! We at least send cards, which I brought to my darling husbands' attention tonight. I can remember that he missed only one party for his Godchild and probably 1 party each for the other 3 kids. We have been together 10 years this year and he made sure that he was at all the parties, baptisms, & communions. It just really gets to me that we go to the parties that we are invited to, I love going to parties especially kids' parties but it would be nice if we would get the same from them in return. When it comes to my husbands' side of the family we are second best to my BIL's in-laws! And that just PISSESS ME OFF!!!!!!!!!! I thought I would feel better after I wrote this but it just got my blood boiling more, maybe a cold shower will turn the fire off. I am waiting to see what my MIL says to me in the next couple of days because the party is this Sunday and I did mention to her that 3 of my kids were having a sleepover at my cousin K's house, now I know I will be picking them up way before 3 but I am sure that her little brain will be ticking and I will get a call asking if the kids are going to the party. Boy I can't wait for that phone call, I hope she's wearing depends when she calls me :)

I DID IT!!!

2008-01-02T14:13:00.000-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!!!

Well from my last post I had mentioned bringing in the New Year differently. And I am so proud of myself because I did, and I think since my husband was sick from doing 5 tequilla shots I didn't have time to feel sad nor did I cry. We rang in the New Year with our neighbors, all my kids were up and having a good time and as of today my eldest is still trying to clean up all the confetti. It was funny because we noticed confetti on the ceiling and on the walls!! Thank you K & A for the kind words.
Yesterday I felt sick and it wasn't because of all the booze I drank but it was from a head cold, stuffing nose, my back hurt like crazy, today I feel better but the dripping and stuffy nose is still hanging around.
I hope that this New Year will be prosperous for us all!

NEW YEARS EVE

2007-12-31T10:24:00.000-06:00

Well as most of you know today is grandmas' birthday, and even though it is a sad day (for me) because she is not here with us to celebrate I will try and do something different this New Years Eve, I just hope I don't change my mind. Ever since I can remember New Years was just like other holidays, we we always at grandmas' house. One year we even had a Mexican band in her living room! The look in her eyes was so beautiful, she was happy that her son V who was in the band would do this just for her. GOD I think alot of us would have done just about anything for her, I know I would and at times I did. I love (notice it is not past tense) her soooooooooo much that days like today make me sad because I wish that she were still with us. When the grandkids got older we didn't spend it at grandmas' because for one she was living with her youngest child and her family, so it was different, but I always called her before midnight and wished her Happy Birthday and a wonderful New Year. Since her passing I couldn't bring myself to go out and bring in the New Year, heck when she was alive I didn't like going out but it beat staying home doing nothing. But I felt that there was nothing to celebrate once she died, and so I would stay home with my kids. Every year since her death I try not to cry as we do the count down but it is hard not to. This year I have my foster kids' siblings with me ( I didn't want them left home alone and I knew this would in fact happen). I also called my neighbor and asked if they would like to come over with their boys and we can just "hang out". So far they are coming. I felt good making the call, it's like taking a baby step (finally) to perhaps ring in the New Year and not feel so sad. As I write this I am not sure I want to take that baby step now.
I hope I feel differently before they come over tonight.
Happy Birthday Grandma, I know that you are celebrating your birthday by dancing with grandpa, laughing and smiling. I love you forever............

Happy New Years to All!! May the Lord bring you the best in 2008

JUST CAN'T GET A BREAK!

2007-12-28T05:58:00.001-06:00

Last night I was excited because I had set up all of my files for todays' work. Which meant that I could go back to sleep once I took the two little ones to daycare. I would be able to sleep until 9!!
Well I was wrong, H was crying off and on all night, when I checked on her she was asleep, the last time she was crying I went in to check her and she was sitting up, I went and told her to go back to bed it was still dark outside. When I woke up at 5:30 I peeked in the room only to find her laying in bed wide awake (URGH!!) So as I picked her up to take her downstairs I noticed that she was burning up. I lay her on the couch and she must had been seeing things because she was moving her hands like there were bugs or something flying around her, so I took her temp (which she hates) and it is 102.1
Well so much for me going back to sleep, let alone getting any of my work done, whether she is sick or not she is still hard to handle. Not to mention today is visit day with her parents, I think I will still send N to see his parents other wise he will cry all night and I don't want to deal with that. Well I guess I will try next week to sneek in some zzzzzzzzzzzz's

SANTA PUKED AT MY HOUSE!!!!!!!

2007-12-27T22:35:00.001-06:00

LOL, Yes he sure did! I took pictures but I don't think they will do justice. I really didn't think we had bought enough for the kids to open, but my GOD once we saw all the gifts under and around the tree, it was unbelievable. Our house will not be back to normal for a few months as we try to find places for these new items. We had picked up all the wrapping paper and put the majority of the stuff in the basement but once my parents came over it looked like Santa puked again!! We need a bigger house in order for the kids to have their own basement, lol.
The only thing that matters is that all the kids had a wonderful Christmas, we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus and then opened gifts like it was our birthday. I love to see the expressions on the kids' faces when they open their gifts, and say things like "OMG mommy look what Santa brought me" Or "This is what I asked Santa for". Those moments are so priceless.

I just hope next year Santa doesn't get sick at our house again (sigh) lol

WISHING MY KIDS WOULD NEVER GROW UP

2007-12-27T21:24:00.000-06:00

Well it is official! My little girl not only has her drivers license, but she started her first job today. Although I am proud of her, I am sad, for my little girl isn't little anymore. Her 17th birthday is just around the corner, and once again I will cringed and shed a few tears. However I couldn't ask for a more perfect young lady to be my daughter, and as always I ask myself "what did I do in my life to deserve a wonderful kid". I always think back of when she was a little girl, how I miss those days, so many wonderful memories of her and I. Every birthday that comes along I take a deep breath and sigh and say to myself, " I wish my kids were babies again", even though they are in such a hurry to grow up. My two younger kids said yesterday that they were mad that they have to wait till they are 18 in order to get their drivers license, and they wanted to know why they couldn't get it now (they are 5!!LOL) memories like that one will stay with me forever, for my kids are my world, my life, my everything and I thank GOD for choosing me to be thier mother.

TODAY

2007-12-24T10:37:00.001-06:00

WOW, I feel so relaxed, I went out for a few things yesterday but the rest of the day was a good one, I do not have the little ones until Christmas Day. Last night we enjoyed several movies, it was so nice to have just my family at home chilling out. Today will be the same thing, relaxing playing games with the kids watching movies and making cookies for Santa, what a wonderful time I will have today with my kids.

THERE REALLY IS A SANTA!!!!!

2007-12-12T12:30:00.000-06:00

And he is none other than GOD, for he is the one who sends us miracles and throughout my life I did have many to be thankful for. Last week I was bummed because my washing machine died. Only 2 years old and fixed once already it was time to get rid of the lemon. This put a big dent in my Christmas spending, not that I was going crazy like I always did, this year I put a tight reign on and told myself that we were going to NOT go crazy. Well today we received an e-mail from my boss who actually forwarded an e-mail from the big wigs stating that even though we had to let people go as a result of the real estate industry not doing great, we are all still getting a bonus on our next check. YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you GOD!!!!!! This was something I was not even thinking of, heck I was still praying to GOD that I was not the next person on the lay off list.
Of course all of us have different amounts, I guess they are going according to how long a person has been with the company. I don't care I am just thankful that we are getting one, something is better than nothing. My poor friend J, had just mentioned to me that my previous employers were not throwing a party (those were the days) nor are they giving out bonuses (which are alsp great). I guess I lucked out :)

But as I sit here typing for all to read, and listening to "O Holy Night" by Celine, I feel bad for those of my fellow workers that are not so lucky, that have no job, sure they can collect unemployeement but it is not the same. So I pray for them to receive a miracle this holiday season. I know that GOD will look over them.

MY SON

2007-12-10T07:49:00.000-06:00

For the last 10 years I have always celebrated my sons' birthday with a party. This year I decided to take him to Toys R Us instead for the simple reason that there are "certain" people that should be at family parties and since they are so "busy" with other things they never come. Well I have had it and decided that I will not have any more parties, THANK YOU FAMILY MEMBERS (by the way the ones who never show up do not read my blog postings, DARN!).
My son was fine with going to Toys R Us and buying toys that he says he always wanted.
For the last couple of years he has wanted to have his friends have a sleep over for his birthday. Each year there was an excuse for us to say no. This year we said yes because we were able to have the in-laws take the girls for the weekend and my foster kids were spending the weekend with their older siblings, so it was a perfect weekend for R to have his sleep over, or so I thought. I gave him a limit of how many boys he could have over, that number was 8. My daughter M always had birthday sleepovers and there were always 7-8 girls (those were the fun times, I miss them). So he past out 8 invites, now just to let you know I was NOT looking forward to having 8 wild boys spend the night, but it is only fair that R have his friends over just like M did. Well by Friday only 2 responded, I figured no big deal I am sure the rest will call on Saturday morning. WRONG!!!!!!!! By 7pm there was 1 person here, the other kid that responded called to say he couldn't come because he was sick. By 8pm another boy showed up that had forgotten to reply. Wow two kids came to his party, and both of these boys couldn't sleep over! Now I didn't pray to GOD that these kids wouldn't show, really I didn't. I felt so bad for my son that the boys he had invited didn't all come. This was his first sleepover and it bombed. Saturday night when the last boy left, R came up to me and hugged me and said "thanks for my party mom". I wanted to cry I felt so bad for him, he did look sad but he did say that he had fun with the two kids that showed up, not to mention eating tons of pizza and cake. Well R maybe next year your sleepover will be a success.

FINALLY!!!!!!!

2007-11-30T22:36:00.001-06:00

Well I just sent out my last batch of Christmas Cards!!!!! YEAH!!!!! I sent out 56 this year, 10 less from last year. I decided that next year I am going to wait to see who sends us a card then I will write one out and send it to them, except for certain people like K&T, my aunt and uncle L&M, my cousin M and of course my parents. I love sending cards, but to be honest if no one sends one back at least once out of the time I have known them then why should I bother, I don't want to sound like scrooge, but come on it doesn't take a lot of time to write out a card to say hi, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year ( I refuse to say Happy Holidays). But if I can have a husband, a full time job, raise 6 kids, and take care of a house and yet still find time to think about someone then they should at least have the courtesy to do the same. Some people might think I am wrong but that is just how I feel.

Now if I can just get my fat ass outside to put up my decorations I will be done!!! (sigh)

THE BLUES ONCE AGAIN..........

2007-11-30T22:25:00.000-06:00

Ya know when I was in my 20's I was living it up. There were parties all the time and the nightclubs on Friday nights, those were the days. As I was creeping up to the 30's I was getting really depressed, I could not imagine myself at the 30 mark, I dreaded my 30th birthday. I actually cried all day. After a few months of being "30" I came to realize that it wasn't so bad after all, and that todays' 30 is not like it was in the 60's. So I came to love the 30's. Then guess what? Yep here came the 40's, but it was weird because I was not freakin' out like I was when I was hitting 30. 40 came without a hitch, I was loving it, again todays' 40 is not like it was in the 60's. Now I know I have a ways to go before I hit....... URGH!!!! the 50 mark.. I am feeling the same way I was when I was turning 30!! To me 50 feels old and damn it I am not old!!!! For a week now I have been thinking about the 50 mark, I don't know why because like I said I am a ways from that age but man it is scaring the hell out of me big time, I think the feeling is worse than it was from my 30's. I don't mind the 40's in fact I love it, seeing that I still get carded at Jewel when I go in for my margaritas (YES!!!!!) But once I hit that age I know that the carding days are over :(
damn shame I am on meds right now other wise I would open up my bottles of margaritas (notice there is an S at the end of bottle, lol) and wash away the thoughts of that age just waiting to creep up behind me. The only thing I can't wait for is the menopause to hit, I can't stand this monthly crap anymore. I just hope that once it finally happens I won't be so bitchy (no comments from the peanut galery, this means you Mr. S!!)

THE HOLIDAYS.............

2007-11-25T22:30:00.000-06:00

Well Thanksgiving came and went so fast. We had Thanksgiving again at our house, (I love having it here) I just wish we would have more people show up. It was just my family that came over but it was nice to have them here even though I wanted to strangle a few during the day.
I can say that I am finally done with decorating the inside of the house for Christmas, I just have to get started with the outside (sigh).

Even though I love Christmas, the reason behind Christmas and the tree, the decorations and the music, it makes you feel mellow about the season and it makes me feel good about sharing and giving. But the one thing that I guess will never go away is the sadness I still have when Christmas comes. Perhaps it's because for so long we had this pattern of where we went every Christmas, there was no question about it, we were at my grandparents house...Always, and I loved it. Back then we were such a close tight-knit family, it was so beautiful. Oh sure we had our arguements here and there but grandma and grandpa always kept the family together. Heck we were not only at my grandparents house for Christmas but it was for all holidays. 4th of July was at the park or at my uncle V's house and we all went. Then as us cousins got older some of us wanted to spread the wings a little, so when the holidays came they were gone with their girl/boy friends. When our Monarch past away we were all like lost puppies trying to heal our wounds, it took a long time for us to come around but things were never the same.

There are Christmas songs that I hear that will always bring tears to my eyes because they remind me of the wonderful times we had at my grandparents house. I do believe that if my grandparents were still here with us, the entire family would still be spending the holidays at their house, well ok maybe not their house but I am sure that we would at least rent a banquet hall to have our celebration. Wow what a wonderful vision that is, I could see my grandparents now, happy to see their kids, grandkids and great-grandkids all together again.

Thank you grandma and grandpa for all of the wonderful memories you gave me throughout my childhood. Those are the best presents I could ever have and I will cherish them forever.

HOW HUSBANDS' STRETCH THE TRUTH!

2007-11-20T12:16:00.000-06:00

I have been putting up Christmas stuff since Friday the 16th and in my husbands' blog he mentions that he had to pull from the attic 20+ rubber maid containers. I just wanted to correct his ass by saying that there is only 17 CONTAINERS!!!!! I too had previously stated in my blog that I had over 20 containers only because HE said I did. I should have known that he would stretch the truth just a TAD BIT!!

TEENAGE LOVE...............

2007-11-16T07:27:00.000-06:00

Wow, looking back at my life the one thing I would never go back to would be the times I had my heart broken. Those on and off break-ups, man did those suck! My baby girl (who is 16) came to me 4 days ago and asked "can you come and lay down with me?" I could see that she had been crying, and when I asked her what was wrong she said that she didn't want to talk about it right now and that she just wanted me to lay with her on her bed till she fell asleep. So I did, and it brought back those memories of when she was little and would crawl into my bed when she had a bad dream, or when I would just go and pick her up from her bed and bring her into mine, how I miss those days. I loved the fact that we would cuddle, our little bond. So on Tuesday as I lay with her my heart ached because I knew she was hurting (not sure of the reason) but I just wanted to take that hurt away. I left her room when she fell asleep, still wondering what was going on in her life. Nothing was said the next morning aout the previous night (sigh) ok no problem, she knows I am there for when she needs me.

Wednesday night she comes to me and tells me that her and her boyfriend of 2 years (who lives in Arizona) have been argruing alot lately and she said it was for stupid things. Again she was crying so I just held her and told her that everything would be ok. I tried to reassure her that all loves come and go and that no matter how old she is Love is going to hurt when the relationship is over. I also told her that she would survive without him even though she thinks that she cannot, I am a prime example of survival, so if I could do it so can she. Not to mention she is part of me so of course she will survive.

Again last night she wanted me to lay with her, so I did and I told her that I wish I could take her heart and sew it back together, this time with stronger thread so that it would never break.
She mentioned that she has tried to call him but that he is not returning his calls. I know that it is hard not to make those calls but I told her that she has to stop or she will drive herself crazy!
We lay in silence for half an hour, (I am holding her soft puggy little hand) when she in a soft voice says "I Love you Mommy", of course my tears start coming down, and all I can say before my voice cracks is " I love you too baby girl". She will never know how much that moment meant to me and that I will treasure that moment forever.

She is going to a birthday party tonight so I hope that her friends can keep her mind off of this boy if only for a little while.

IN-LAWS FOR SALE!!!!!!

2007-11-15T08:47:00.000-06:00

Now let me just start out by saying that I do love my in-laws, I truly do, but there are times when I just wish they would just back off! I did warn my DH that I was writing about his parents, so this should not come as a surprise to him, actually once he reads this ( I know he will) he will probably post a rant about my parents which is fine with me. We all know that parents can drive us crazy at times. So....... here is my rant.

I ran out to the office yesterday morning so when I got back I noticed (2 hours later) that someone had called and left a message, I check the caller ID and see that it was the I-L's, so I listen to the message and my FIL says, "just me calling to let you know that there was a recall that we saw last night on the news about Mexican food, so call me back. They always do this when there is a recall on something, they call me immediately after they hear about the recalls.
So I call them back, and my MIL answers, she says " well on the news they recalled tor-till-us, I cringed because of how she pronounces the word. I said oh you mean torrrrrrrrr teeeeeeeee as, as it is pronounced and she said yes. OK!! I asked well what kind of tortillas? She says what do you mean? I proceed to tell her that not only are there different kinds of tortillas but there are also different name brands. She says well gee I don't know, I guess the recalled the flat kind. URGH!!!!!! I don't have time for this, is what I have screaming in my head. THE FLAT KIND? WTF!!!!!! I said ALL TORTILLAS ARE FLAT. She says well no there not, you guys have the taco shells! THOSE ARE CALLED TACO SHELLS NOT TORTILLAS!!!!!!! at this point I was laughing and yet still frustrated because they always call with half ass information. So she goes and asks my FIL and he says gee I dont know what kind. OK! I am done with this conversation, I tell her that I watched the news the night before as they did, but because I didn't watch channel 7 that was the reason I didn't hear about it. Well I respond back by stating that if something is recalled ALL CHANNELS will report about it. Well my FIL checks the internet to find out that the company DEL REY was the one who recalled their products. Ok well I don't buy Del REY because the stores out here do not sell DEL REY products. MIL dearest continues to say well it's not only those tor till us but all their products. AGAIN I tell her not to worry because I DO NOT BUY DEL REY PRODUCTS! 45 minutes on the phone with them about this subject. I went through the same thing with them when they recalled spiniach. I kept telling then that we do not eat spiniach and that was not good enough for them because they kept on and on about it. There are times when I enjoy their company, I know that they love me and all the kids but man one day I am going to snap because they are paranoid beyond paranoid. I am sure that my MIL didn't sleep at all knowing that there was Mexican items recalled and pulled from the stores.
So if you are interested in my inlaws please feel free to respond to my rant:

fine print

all sales are final, no returns or exchanges.

SANTA?

2007-11-13T14:15:00.000-06:00

As a child I was always excited when Christmas was just around the corner. Oh how I loved to go and visit Santa and tell him all I wanted. That is until I was in the 4th grade when some punk by the name of Andy was telling everyone that there was no such thing as Santa. I thought I was going to die! Seriously, I was devestated to say the least. I felt that my life changed, and out the window my childhood went. I promised myself that I would keep my children believing in Santa for as long as I could. Oh sure every kid runs into "Andy" and comes home to question their parents. Such did my daughter when she was in the 3rd grade, I would cringe when she asked, for I dreaded my kids finding out the truth. So I would always ask her "What do you think?" And her little innocent face would look at me and say "I believe that there is a real Santa", she would then run off to play or finish baking cookies with me. Well this went on for 3 more years, with my hubby laughing at me and shaking his head, he couldn't believe that I wouldn't tell her what he says she already knew. Finally she asked and I said well there is in fact a Santa but this one doesn't ride a sleigh with reindeer. I proceeded to tell her that yes all of your "Andy" friends are right, your parents are Santa. She smiled at me and said "I thought so".
I thought, "THAT'S IT? NO CRYING ABOUT IT? NO RANTING ABOUT IT?" She sure wasn't acting like I did when I heard the news. Goes to show you how mature kids are now a days. She did come back to ask "does that mean there is no tooth fairy and Easter bunny too?" LOL

Now comes my son, who is in the 5th grade and who has been asking me for the last 2 years "Mom is there really a Santa?"
I will approach it the same way I did for my eldest daughter, as I will with my twin girls when they start asking. If you believe that is all that matters.

Having that belief in Santa is so special to children that for me it is hard to finally tell them that the little round belly man in a red suit that drives a sleigh with 8 reindeer (plus Ruldolph) is just not true.

WHEN SENDING A CARD IS NOT ENOUGH

2007-11-08T21:11:00.000-06:00

It is that time of the year when we will soon be sending out Christmas cards to those in our lives. I look back to a time in my life where I use to send out 100 Christmas cards, and I am not exaggerating. I love sending out cards to people especially for the holidays. I normally have them all ready to be mailed before Thanksgiving!
I would go store to store trying to find the " perfect cards" to buy. The fun part of sending cards is receiving them as well. Years ago I realized that I would send cards every year to the same people and there were a handfull that never sent one back in return. That's fine, no biggie alot of people don't like sending cards, it's not thier thing to do. However in my cards I would say things like "keep in touch" with my phone number listed, or "call me so we can catch up with each other and perhaps have dinner". Yes I would get a call here and there, but yet still there were people who wouldn't call nor send a card. So I came to the conclusion that I would stop sending cards to those who apparently I meant nothing to. Now yes that seems harsh to say but come on, if I can take the time to send you a card you can at least take the time to either send one back or give me a call. I know it is the season of giving, but when you are the one who is constantly giving it becomes tiring and frustrating. There are still some people that I have continued to e-mail or send a card to and I have heard nothing from them. Or there are some that say "yeah sure we have to get together soon, and soon never comes.
I know that people are busy with work and perhaps school, but the people I am talking about do not have kids, nor husbands for that matter. That is the part that really gets me going. Why is it that "I" am the only one trying to reach out? When I meet people and we click I like to stay in touch with them, and at one point of my life I did click with these people. So much so that I even had one stand up to my wedding! So I made myself promise that if I have not spoken to someone for over a year and that person has made no attempt to call or email me then I will not be sending anymore cards, no more phone calls no more nothing. It stops here. Life is precious and short and I am not going to cry over spilled milk anymore, I have way to much going on in my life right now to be dealing with people who are perhaps to busy with themselves to realize that there are people out there that touched their lives at one point. And this is not only friends (or should I say "so called friends") this goes for family as well. I would always send out cards, send invites to my kids parties, and many of my family members wouldn't even bother to call to say "gee, sorry I can't come..............
How hard is it to respond to an invite? Or to at least have the courtsey to call and say thanks for the card............... I guess people are much more busier than I am, funny but as far as I know we all work, many of us full time, and the majority of us have children, but the sad thing is that right now I am the one that has more kids than anyone and yet I am the only one reaching out to keep in touch.

That's sad, and it hurts...............................but not for long, I will now put all my energy in the people in my life "right now" and I will move forward, without looking back.

VOMIT CITY

2007-11-04T20:36:00.000-06:00

WOW!!! What a weekend!! Well it started on Thursday night when my niece looked a little flushed, I checked her temp and she was fine but still I had a feeling she was coming down with something, so I gave her childrens' motrin. Next morning I woke her up to get her ready for daycare when I noticed her face looked funny, so I put the light on only to see that sometime during the night she got sick and puked on herself, I have a feeling that even she didn't know what happened because she would have cried out when she was getting sick so she must have been real out of it. So I kept her home Friday, by Friday night she was fine but now my nephew was sick, he too was throwing up but at least he woke up crying so we heard him. Well he didn't feel better till Saturday night when the fever broke and no more puking, but wait my story doesn't end there. Like I said he felt better Saturday night, now Saturday night my youngest child starting to vomit and yes had a fever she had it worse than the other two, I was up with her all night, finally we fell asleep around 3am that is when her little body decided to let her sleep, that is until 6:30 this morning when she got sick again (for the last time). However once I got back from my sons' last football game my other younger child (Boo) started going down vomit city, and yes the fever hit her as well. As of now I have all the little ones in bed. Boo hasn't gotten as sick as her twin sister but the night is still young so we shall see. I still have two more children for this to hit as well as my husband and then of course yours truly. I hope that the rest of us do not enter the city of vomit. I am still dealing with those horrible coughs. Boy I sure do hate this time of year. I am sure I will one day soon catch up on the sleep that I lost this weekend. I just want to say good bye to Vomit City and hello to the holidays.

MY NIGHTMARE WILL NEVER GO AWAY

2007-11-01T21:54:00.000-05:00

For the last few nights I was watching the news, I try not to because of all the horror stories so I try to turn it on right when the weather comes on. Well the last few nights I am sure you have seen that there have been women (mothers of young children) reported missing and/or killed. I sat last night and cried when they found the one mother from Chicago Heights, her youngest is 6. What the hell is going on? Why are all of these women dying by the hands of their husbands or boyfriends? One young mom of 2 from Aurora was found stabbed, her boyfriend did it, and do you know why? Because the MF didn't want to pay child support!! The mom from Plainfield, mother of two (close to where I live) still has not been found she was in the process of divorcing her husband. The mom from Chicago Heights was seperated from her husband. There is another mother from Boilingbrook (again close to where I live) she is still missing. Her family says that she asked her husband (who is a cop) for a divorce. And let's not forget Lacey Petterson and her unborn baby.............
As you all may know I am a mother of four and my first marriage ended in divorce. It was a horrible relationship that I stood in for 10 plus years. Ever since my first born was two I was threatened by my then husband that if I ever left him he would take her and I would never see her again. From the first time he said that to me I made sure that she knew my full name (maiden name as well) our phone number, our address, city and state...... AT THE AGE OF TWO!! Because of the moron that I was married to my poor baby had to learn things that kids her age don't know yet. When we would fight (which was almost all the time) I wouldn't sleep right, because I was afraid he would take her in the middle of the night. He also told me a few times that if he couldn't have me no one else would either. When I finally stood up to him and filed for divorce I thought for sure he would kill me, when I moved from Indiana back to Illinois I again thought he would kill me. I had stayed in what was our home for 8 months after our divorce and twice he came over breaking the door down, not to mention scaring the hell out of me. So that made me think twice about moving. When my daughter told him that I was getting remarried I thought he was going to kill me, then again when I told him that he had to sign the annulment papers, and once again when I was pregnant with my girls. Each time I felt his anger towards me, and if you haven't guessed by now, yes I am afraid of him, I try so hard not to let him see it but I am sure that if he looks closely he would get his satisfaction. Once my girls were born (5 years ago) I went into court to see if I could in fact increase my child support payments from the ex. Low and behold I was told that I could file every two years! I never knew that. So needless to say the ex owed MY kids lots of money. Two years ago the state awarded me his income tax check which surprised me and of course put the fear in me once again because I knew he was going to hit the roof. He had hired an attorney 2 years ago to fight me on the increase of child support which he lost the case( DUH, if the state tells you that you owe more money why in the world would you try to fight the system?). Well since he fought me for 2 years guess what? Yep, he owes ME more money. and I say me because I have paying for everything that our kids need,the child support checks dont even come close to what the expenses are. I had sent him a letter over a month ago with copies of medical bills that need to be paid (we each have a percentage that we have to pay). I was real nice ( no seriously I was, I don't need him taking any nasty letters I would write to him to court to show the judge) and stated that I needed to know within 30 days when he was going to pay those bills, he also owes $300. plus to the dentist from last year. I said that if I didnt hear back or if those bills didn't get paid or at least partially paid then I had no choice but to take him to court to get those bills paid. Well he never got back to me nor did he pay the bills. My attorney sent me a copy of the order showing when we have a court date about the back child support and so I was nice ( YES NICE) enough to send him a copy of it plus a copy of the letter my attorney sent to me stating that he still owes me additional monies because he has never paid for school books, school activies and musical instruments. With this last letter my fear came back because I knew that I would hit yet another one of his buttons. And of course, I did. He called my daughter, she said that he was real drunk (nice huh) actually he called her about 4 times each time leaving a message. One telling her that because of me he was turning off her phone that he pays (yeah I know he makes real sense). Now she knows that if I do not agree she cannot go with him, period. I casually mentioned this to my son, that he needs to remember that because he lives with me that his father cannot pick him up from school without my permission. Of course the school as this on file as well. But my fear still won't go away. I am always looking around for a car that looks suspicious, always looking out my rear view mirror to see if a car is following me, I use to have nightmares about him attacking me. People tell me to call down not to worry, he won't hurt the mother of his kids, but they don't know him like I do. And just tonight he tells MY son that he is in counseling because he is afraid he is going to hurt someone. OH THAT IS JUST FREAKIN' NICE!! Sorry this is so long but I feel that the more people know about my fear the more my life will not go in vain.

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN!!

2007-10-25T21:53:00.000-05:00

For the last 2 weeks I have had every child in my home coughing up their lungs! Seriously it sounds horrible. Well we all know that the news media has been saying not to give children under the age of 2 cough meds that are over the counter. Ok well that is fine but what do we give them then? Gee no one can answer that question. The Sun-Times had an article about it where one doctor is stating that to stop giving over the counter cough meds asap, yet when the question came up this brilliant doctors' answer was: (GET THIS) Give the children the correct dose amount of the medication. BUT YOU JUST SAID A FEW SENTENCES AGO NOT TO GIVE IT TO THEM!! Oh sure confuse the crap out of us concerned parents, what a moron!
I understand that there are people out there that give the children a stronger dose (for whatever reason) but what these parents need to realize is that there is more harm to their child in doing that. Giving them more is not going to make the cough, cold, fever etc. go away any sooner. But if we are going to have knuckleheads tell us not to give certain meds then for petesake tell us what we can give them.
I took the girls in to the doctor today and he stated that these types of coughs and colds normally hang around for 8 weeks! WOW!! that's a long time of hacking out a lung! So now I have a "prescribed" cough medication (just to let you know it is the over the counter stuff just in a different bottle). How horrible to see these kids miserable for 8 weeks and there is nothing I can do to help soothe them.

DECORATING FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

2007-10-19T22:39:00.000-05:00

I was at Walmart the beginning of October and noticed that they had started putting up their Christmas stuff! I was like " You have got to be kidding me! It seems that all stores are putting up their Christmas items earlier and earlier every year. Now I for one LOVE Christmas, I love the lights and just everything about Christmas (And yes especially the true meaning of Christmas).
Now here is my thing, I know that there are people that decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. I on the other hand have always decorated the week before Thanksgiving for two reasons. One is because I have sooooooooooooooooo much stuff (27 rubbermaid containers to be exact, and that is just for the inside of the house) that it takes me a long time (with 6 kids I am surprised I get anything of it set up) to put everything exactly where I want it. Second I love to sit at my dinning room table on Thanksgiving Day with my house decorated for the spirit of the Holidays. I feel that without some type of decorations Thanksgiving doesn't feel like a holiday. So when do you decorate for the holidays?

FINALLY!

2007-10-16T21:56:00.000-05:00

Well I finally got more Halloween stuff up around the house, not as much as I wanted to but I guess it will do. I have 3 tall skeleton guys in my flower bed area and I had my WH put up a fence around them. They look cool! I also have the lighting going on in the living room with a witch by the front window. Big cat eyes on my big window above the front door. I wish I had the time to really decorate the way I want to, (sigh) oh well maybe next year. I would love to decorate the back yard with lots of witches and scary things like along the fence with crazy lights going off and on, with lots of scary sounds, that would be sweet!! Maybe a few coffins with mummys or skeletons in them popping up, lol. I am a kid at heart when it comes to Halloween and Christmas. I will be taking pictures of my stuff outside and hopefully I can post some of them on my blog. So far my girls will be a pirate and cheerleader, and my foster kids will be a lady bug and a dragon. I still have to take my son to find a costume. My in laws were over today and made comments of how scary my house looks and of course they were concerned about the kids being scared. Give me a break! I think the one that is scared more than anyone is my hubby. :)

I JUST DON'T GET IT!

2007-10-12T19:55:00.000-05:00

I would not consider this a rant but you be the judge. As many of you know I have two foster children who so happen to be my niece and nephew ages 2 and 3. Yesterday was the first visit from their parents in a while (the twins birthday does not count). Now they were here for quite a while which is fine with me, they need to spend more time with their kids. However, I have rules in MY house and I don't care if the parents are here or not this is MY house, MY rules!
So why is it that when my nephew was going up and down the stairs all by himself I was the only one watching him? I told him "you know that I don't like you up and down the stairs all by yourself. Well I saw from the corner of my eye that his mother was making a face. Well excuse the F out of me! If this kid falls (there are 13 stairs in all) he might injure himself. Then my niece was drinking juice in the family room, now it was a sippy cup but even those drip so she knows that she has to stay in the kitchen when she is drinking, again eyes were rolling. I'm sorry that I would like to have part of my house clean especially my carpets. My children do not run my house I DO! I don't like a messy house, never have and I am sure I never will. Why is it so hard for people to understand that if there are rules in someones' home why can they not respect that? If these parents do not like the way I am raising THEIR kids then guess what? I will have DCFS picked them up and take them to a foster house that does not have any relations with the family.
I had a relative at my house one time when I had a party for one of my kids and she totally ticked me off. I love to have knick knacks around my house and what I had was crystal ashtrays and the lighter to match on my glass coffee table. Well one of my cousins' brought her infant son and just let him walk around grabbing things. I noticed that my hubby was putting my ashtrays and lighter away and I asked him what he was doing and he proceeded to tell me that the kid was banging the crystal things on my glass table. OH HELL NO!! I grabbed my stuff out of Michael's hands and put them back where they belong, and the kids' grandmother told me that I should put my things away when I have company. I snapped at her telling her that people should respect other peoples' homes and they should watch their children, I also told her that I have never put any of my knick knacks away while my children were that little and I never will. What is wrong with people? Or is just me?

My First Rant!!

2007-10-05T20:45:00.000-05:00

Here I am once again! 3rd time this week, this is not going to happen all the time, but I need to get some stuff off my chest before I hit the booze tonight. As some of you already know I have 4 children ages 16, 101/2 and two 5 year olds, plus 2 foster children ages 3 and 2. Well every Friday my foster children go and visit their parents for 2 hours. Normally the travel agency picks the kids up between 4 and 5 from daycare, once they get to their parents house the clocks starts and the visits continue for 2 hours. Well at 7 tonight the phone rings and it is the parents calling to say that the kids are leaving their house! WHAT????!!!!!! I just got off of work at 6 and planned on relaxing and trying to figure out what's for dinner. Well now the kids will be home in an hour so their goes my relaxing time. Supposedly the travel agency picked them up at 2 o'clock!!! Then my DH tells me that his cousin is coming over tomorrow to help him with the basement. My hubby is trying to get the basement furnished to his liking but because it costs thousands of dollars to furnish it will take us a few years to get it done (HEAR THAT HONEY!) I know that he wants it all done like yesterday but reality has to set in his head sooner or later preferably sooner. Anyway he proceeds to tell me that his cousin is bringing his 3 1/2 year old daughter, of whom I talked to my cousin K about last night at dinner. She is a cute little girl but very demanding. When she asks for something she will tell you "I want it now!"
So I was already pissed that the kids were coming home early now I am fuming because I have another kid to watch tomorrow which means the hell with my finishing decorating for Halloween. Last weekend I had my foster kids' 2 older siblings for the weekend because by law there has to be a "sibling visit" (without the parents) twice a month. So I had 8 kids last weekend, didn't get much decorating done last Saturday because I was cleaning house for the twins party the next day. Now it looks like I won't get crap done this weekend either. As I write my post right now I have 4 kids running around like they just had a case of pepsi each! Along with the running is the screaming and laughing. Don't get me wrong I love the noise, SOMETIMES! And today is not one of those days, lol. Plus I took my 16 year old to her friends house for a few hours tonight for a birthday party and I my way home I just parked for a few minutes to cry. There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel. I just want my life back to some normalcy, I guess I am asking for to much (sigh). Time to get these kids to bed so that I can spend some time with Margarita (strawberry is the best) ;)

Can you believe it???

2007-10-04T22:42:00.000-05:00

Wow 2 postings in one week! I am shocked, lol. I was going to get ready for bed when I thought "oh what the heck let's post something". Well today I had dinner with my cousin K and I thought we had a good time when I realized something on my drive back home. I didn't let her talk much. I'm sorry K, I guess I get excited when I am talking to an adult now a days, I am so use to talking to the kids all day long. When my hubby gets home we hardly talk, I am either working or doing some house things and he is cooking and getting things ready for dinner. I try to get him to go to bed when the kids do because he gets up at 3am, I like for him to have a good night sleep. Needless to say he is just like the kids, he doesn't listen to me either, lol. So because our house is so busy with the kids running around screaming and playing (and fighting) we hardly have time to talk it's always a sentence here and there.

Back to this evening, K I promise that next month I will let you do all the talking, I'll even come with tape on my mouth! Anyway it was nice seeing her again even though we just saw each other at the girls' birthday party on Sunday. It's always nice to see her because she looks like she is on top of the world, never looks pissed always has a smile on her face, (I know she gets that from her mom).
Ranting a little bit about my kids might have put a little fear into her about having kids of her own, but I know that she will be a great mom, but GOD help her when she does because her husband can act like a kid now and then so she will have her hands full! :)
Anyway I guess you could consider this posting as another rave. I will get to the ranting don't worry, there are plenty of those TRUST me.

Halloween!!

2007-10-03T22:18:00.000-05:00

Can you believe that Halloween is here again? This year has gone by soooo fast, it feels as if summer was just starting and now here comes the cold.
As some of you know, I love to decorate my house for Halloween and Christmas. I drive my husband and some of my kids nuts, lol. Of course I don't like the cold weather that comes with Halloween nor the horrible winds that we get in my area. The winds knock down all my horror creatures thus makes me wonder why I even bother to spend the money to decorate. Every year I buy a few things to add to my "collection". With the amount of kids I have running around my house I don't have enough time to put up all my stuff but I am determind to do it this year and by this Saturday too, even if it means I am outside putting stuff up at 1am. I also need to buy 5 costumes!! YIKES! I guess I better get going to the stores before there is nothing left. Once my hubby finishes "his" basement maybe we'll have a Halloween party, even though he will be the only one not dressed in costume, he is a fuddy duddy type of person when it comes to dressing up for Halloween.

I would like to thank my lil' cousin (one of many) for introducing me to the blog. I read hers every chance I get and I have been wanting to get mine started since the summer, I just don't have the time to sit and write (tonight is one in a few). I thought my first blog would be a rant, GOD knos I have many of those to post, but as I was putting up a few decorations tonight I thought why not post about something I like to do.

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2007-09-27T10:12:00.000-05:00

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