Today is the girls' first school Christmas party and they are really excited about it. I use to be excited when M & R had their school parties but things have really changed regarding what you can and cannot bring in as a treat, making it harder for me to find a snack that all the children can eat.
In the last couple of years it has become more difficult for children to enjoy their parties at school because of the food allergies they are out there. I have never heard of food allergies until a few years ago and it just seems that more and more children have them. The Kings cousin has a daughter that has food allergies, and you can't help but feel sorry for her because she cannot eat a lot of the things she loves, however her mother had mentioned to me a while back that there are tons of substitutes out there and although the food is expensive it is what they have to buy in order for their daughter to stay healthy. I cannot imagine how kids that have food allergies feel. But it still gets me upset because now if I want the girls to take in a snack, I have to buy it first, cut out the ingredients label fill out a school form and send them to the school for approval, this needs to be done 2 weeks before the event. The Principal, the nurse and the teacher have to sign the form and return it to you. A lot of parents are now just buying holiday pencils, holiday plastic cups, erasers and little note books, not to mention this stuff adds up pretty quick too. You are spending more money on these little things when you can buy a whole tray of cupcakes for less. So needless to say the girls are upset that they are not taking anything to pass out, but I can't see myself spending money on dinky little things especially since I am not working. Besides if the majority of the parents are buying these things all the kids should be getting a head start on their school supplies for next year. I do hope though that for the sake of the kids that one day down the road there is a cure for food allergies, I hear that a lot of kids have it so bad that they can actually die. Here I am ranting about it and I just realized that the people running the school lunch rooms must really hate working in there now seeing that they have to order specific kinds of food to feed the children.
That is, for my ex-husband! I know that I am not the only one with ex-spouse issues but damn I must take the cake! It has been over 6 years since I had gone back to court to see if I could get a modification on the child support I was receiving. My divorce attorney never told me that every two years I could go back to have the case modified. Well it had been 4 years since I had filed to get the child support money taken out of his checks. During our divorce proceedings I was told by my attorney that we just couldn't take the money out of his checks, that the courts wanted to see if he could make those payments on his own. LOL, what a crock! I knew and I told my attorney this, he will not pay me the support on is own. So after being 5 grand behind I finally took action on my own. Well since then the bastard has been fighting me on this. I had to finally hire myself an attorney which I now owe over 2 grand thanks to his stupid ass, not to mention I already paid her 2 grand. He has had 2 attorneys already, must be nice to have that kind of cash to line the pockets of attorneys instead of your own children. This past June (as a matter of fact on my wedding anniversary with my now husband) I had to go to court once again on this matter the judge stated he needed time to read the statements of the attorneys and would rule at a later date, in October (this is such a slow state it is not even funny) the judge ruled in my favor, the bastard owes me once again 5 grand (remember every 2 years the case gets modified) even though we no longer live in that state and the case is still opened I can get an increase in the child support. Had he let the case close we would then be in Illinois but nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo he has to be an ass about the whole thing, if I ever get the case closed I can then proceed to bring it over to Illinois which then the freakin' moron will have to pay more child support since the cost of living is higher in Illinois. So I pray that his freakin' mother ship comes soon for him, I don't know how much more of his shit I can take. Not to mention that he continues to cry to MY children that he has no money, that I have it all. Listen you SOB YOUR attorney has your money!!! If you weren't such a stupid fuck you would have known that! My attorney stated that it will be at least February of 2009 before I find out if his ass is going to pursue this torture, or not. His attorney has already filed for an appeal so they have 90 days from the date of the appeal to determine if they are going to fight me once again on money that is rightfully due to my children. I have 6 more years of his stupid shit, for in 6 years my son will be 18. I hate to say that I want my son to hurry up and turn 18 but I have dealt with that low life asshole for a very very long time, and I am just so tired of his shit.
Yesterday around noon the King and I were talking while relaxing on our bed when our youngest came into the room to hang out with us. After awhile she said she wanted a hickey ride, I asked the King if he heard what I heard and he said "I think so", so I asked her again and she responded the same way. I then asked if she meant a piggy back ride and she said no, a hickey ride, so I asked her well what is that and she sighed and said "you know, when I get on your back and you take me downstairs", I laughed so much my stomach hurt. I corrected her and told her that it was called a piggy back ride, she just replied "oh". Precious moments like that really put a smile on my face.
Labels: family
You know, the one thing I dislike more than anything is when someone decides that they no longer want to talk to you, however instead of telling you this they go ahead and change their blog page, take you off as their friend in face book and choose not to see my family for Christmas. I really can care less if people do not want to talk to me, frankly I don't care because I have more important things in life to worry about, but when it involves my child(ren) that is when I get pissed. My children are not involved in the petty bullshit therefore there is no reason to ignore them as well. What am I suppose to tell my child(ren) when they ask if they are going to see these people? Well for one, I will not cover up for these people, I guess when the question is asked I will tell them exactly how I see it. Sure it will hurt my child but maybe this will show my kids that no one on this earth is perfect, and that as a human being we all have issues.
Labels: family
Sad
Helpless
Frustrated
Angry
Loser
Lonely
Furious
Undeserving
These are just a few expressions of feelings going through my body, for quite awhile now I cannot stop feeling this way. I cry myself to sleep mainly because I miss my brother, but also because I am not working, things are not going well for me this year and there are still four more months left.
Sad: That may babies are going off to Kindergarten tomorrow, they are growing up so fast, how I
wish that they were babies again.
That the holidays will be coming soon and my brother will not be here with us.
Helpless: That I am not bringing in money to help with the finances
That I wasn't able to help my brother get out of the mess he is in.
Frustrated: That I haven't found a job yet
That my ex-husband won't just drop off the face of the earth
That my brother won't see his girlfriend for the bitch that she is
Angry: That I lost my job (once again)
That the world is not a safe place for children anymore (or was it ever?)
That my ex-husband is still fighting me in court for child support (it's been 6 years!)
Loser: This is how I feel, seeing that I cannot find a job that I can hold on to. I did once, was
there for 11 years but thanks to the President of the company, he decided to be a
greedy SOB and was stealing money from the company, thus making the FBI shut the
company down.
I also feel like this for not wanting to go back to school to better myself for a new career.
Bottom line is, my whole life I felt like a loser.
Lonely: So many things that make me lonely, like missing my grandparents, my brother, my
cousins (we were so close but we grew up and grew apart). I miss my godmother, she was a wonderful person just like my grandparents. My kids are growing up which means
pretty soon they will not need me as much as they do now.
Furious: With my brothers girlfriend, I know she is not honest with him and doing things behind
his back. With myself for all the things listed above. I need to let things go, I need to
not let things bother me so much. I may come off strong and bold but inside it kills me
what people thing about me or say about me. No one is perfect although I have many
relatives that believe that they are and tend to forget where they came from. Furious
with the way the economy is, if it were not this bad I would still have the job I dreamed
of 17 years ago.
Undeserving: I don't deserve to be married to the man I love, he is too good for me, he deserves
better. I don't deserve to have my kids, I love them with all of my heart but I
know that they could have a better person as a mother.
and lastly, the love of GOD, I have done things in my past that he would not
approve of, as a parent I know that I would not have approved my kids doing such
things, therefore I feel undeserving of his love.