Rita's Rants n Raves

For the last few nights I was watching the news, I try not to because of all the horror stories so I try to turn it on right when the weather comes on. Well the last few nights I am sure you have seen that there have been women (mothers of young children) reported missing and/or killed. I sat last night and cried when they found the one mother from Chicago Heights, her youngest is 6. What the hell is going on? Why are all of these women dying by the hands of their husbands or boyfriends? One young mom of 2 from Aurora was found stabbed, her boyfriend did it, and do you know why? Because the MF didn't want to pay child support!! The mom from Plainfield, mother of two (close to where I live) still has not been found she was in the process of divorcing her husband. The mom from Chicago Heights was seperated from her husband. There is another mother from Boilingbrook (again close to where I live) she is still missing. Her family says that she asked her husband (who is a cop) for a divorce. And let's not forget Lacey Petterson and her unborn baby.............
As you all may know I am a mother of four and my first marriage ended in divorce. It was a horrible relationship that I stood in for 10 plus years. Ever since my first born was two I was threatened by my then husband that if I ever left him he would take her and I would never see her again. From the first time he said that to me I made sure that she knew my full name (maiden name as well) our phone number, our address, city and state...... AT THE AGE OF TWO!! Because of the moron that I was married to my poor baby had to learn things that kids her age don't know yet. When we would fight (which was almost all the time) I wouldn't sleep right, because I was afraid he would take her in the middle of the night. He also told me a few times that if he couldn't have me no one else would either. When I finally stood up to him and filed for divorce I thought for sure he would kill me, when I moved from Indiana back to Illinois I again thought he would kill me. I had stayed in what was our home for 8 months after our divorce and twice he came over breaking the door down, not to mention scaring the hell out of me. So that made me think twice about moving. When my daughter told him that I was getting remarried I thought he was going to kill me, then again when I told him that he had to sign the annulment papers, and once again when I was pregnant with my girls. Each time I felt his anger towards me, and if you haven't guessed by now, yes I am afraid of him, I try so hard not to let him see it but I am sure that if he looks closely he would get his satisfaction. Once my girls were born (5 years ago) I went into court to see if I could in fact increase my child support payments from the ex. Low and behold I was told that I could file every two years! I never knew that. So needless to say the ex owed MY kids lots of money. Two years ago the state awarded me his income tax check which surprised me and of course put the fear in me once again because I knew he was going to hit the roof. He had hired an attorney 2 years ago to fight me on the increase of child support which he lost the case( DUH, if the state tells you that you owe more money why in the world would you try to fight the system?). Well since he fought me for 2 years guess what? Yep, he owes ME more money. and I say me because I have paying for everything that our kids need,the child support checks dont even come close to what the expenses are. I had sent him a letter over a month ago with copies of medical bills that need to be paid (we each have a percentage that we have to pay). I was real nice ( no seriously I was, I don't need him taking any nasty letters I would write to him to court to show the judge) and stated that I needed to know within 30 days when he was going to pay those bills, he also owes $300. plus to the dentist from last year. I said that if I didnt hear back or if those bills didn't get paid or at least partially paid then I had no choice but to take him to court to get those bills paid. Well he never got back to me nor did he pay the bills. My attorney sent me a copy of the order showing when we have a court date about the back child support and so I was nice ( YES NICE) enough to send him a copy of it plus a copy of the letter my attorney sent to me stating that he still owes me additional monies because he has never paid for school books, school activies and musical instruments. With this last letter my fear came back because I knew that I would hit yet another one of his buttons. And of course, I did. He called my daughter, she said that he was real drunk (nice huh) actually he called her about 4 times each time leaving a message. One telling her that because of me he was turning off her phone that he pays (yeah I know he makes real sense). Now she knows that if I do not agree she cannot go with him, period. I casually mentioned this to my son, that he needs to remember that because he lives with me that his father cannot pick him up from school without my permission. Of course the school as this on file as well. But my fear still won't go away. I am always looking around for a car that looks suspicious, always looking out my rear view mirror to see if a car is following me, I use to have nightmares about him attacking me. People tell me to call down not to worry, he won't hurt the mother of his kids, but they don't know him like I do. And just tonight he tells MY son that he is in counseling because he is afraid he is going to hurt someone. OH THAT IS JUST FREAKIN' NICE!! Sorry this is so long but I feel that the more people know about my fear the more my life will not go in vain.