Well I just sent out my last batch of Christmas Cards!!!!! YEAH!!!!! I sent out 56 this year, 10 less from last year. I decided that next year I am going to wait to see who sends us a card then I will write one out and send it to them, except for certain people like K&T, my aunt and uncle L&M, my cousin M and of course my parents. I love sending cards, but to be honest if no one sends one back at least once out of the time I have known them then why should I bother, I don't want to sound like scrooge, but come on it doesn't take a lot of time to write out a card to say hi, Merry Christmas & Happy New Year ( I refuse to say Happy Holidays). But if I can have a husband, a full time job, raise 6 kids, and take care of a house and yet still find time to think about someone then they should at least have the courtesy to do the same. Some people might think I am wrong but that is just how I feel.
Now if I can just get my fat ass outside to put up my decorations I will be done!!! (sigh)
Ya know when I was in my 20's I was living it up. There were parties all the time and the nightclubs on Friday nights, those were the days. As I was creeping up to the 30's I was getting really depressed, I could not imagine myself at the 30 mark, I dreaded my 30th birthday. I actually cried all day. After a few months of being "30" I came to realize that it wasn't so bad after all, and that todays' 30 is not like it was in the 60's. So I came to love the 30's. Then guess what? Yep here came the 40's, but it was weird because I was not freakin' out like I was when I was hitting 30. 40 came without a hitch, I was loving it, again todays' 40 is not like it was in the 60's. Now I know I have a ways to go before I hit....... URGH!!!! the 50 mark.. I am feeling the same way I was when I was turning 30!! To me 50 feels old and damn it I am not old!!!! For a week now I have been thinking about the 50 mark, I don't know why because like I said I am a ways from that age but man it is scaring the hell out of me big time, I think the feeling is worse than it was from my 30's. I don't mind the 40's in fact I love it, seeing that I still get carded at Jewel when I go in for my margaritas (YES!!!!!) But once I hit that age I know that the carding days are over :(
damn shame I am on meds right now other wise I would open up my bottles of margaritas (notice there is an S at the end of bottle, lol) and wash away the thoughts of that age just waiting to creep up behind me. The only thing I can't wait for is the menopause to hit, I can't stand this monthly crap anymore. I just hope that once it finally happens I won't be so bitchy (no comments from the peanut galery, this means you Mr. S!!)
Well Thanksgiving came and went so fast. We had Thanksgiving again at our house, (I love having it here) I just wish we would have more people show up. It was just my family that came over but it was nice to have them here even though I wanted to strangle a few during the day.
I can say that I am finally done with decorating the inside of the house for Christmas, I just have to get started with the outside (sigh).
Even though I love Christmas, the reason behind Christmas and the tree, the decorations and the music, it makes you feel mellow about the season and it makes me feel good about sharing and giving. But the one thing that I guess will never go away is the sadness I still have when Christmas comes. Perhaps it's because for so long we had this pattern of where we went every Christmas, there was no question about it, we were at my grandparents house...Always, and I loved it. Back then we were such a close tight-knit family, it was so beautiful. Oh sure we had our arguements here and there but grandma and grandpa always kept the family together. Heck we were not only at my grandparents house for Christmas but it was for all holidays. 4th of July was at the park or at my uncle V's house and we all went. Then as us cousins got older some of us wanted to spread the wings a little, so when the holidays came they were gone with their girl/boy friends. When our Monarch past away we were all like lost puppies trying to heal our wounds, it took a long time for us to come around but things were never the same.
There are Christmas songs that I hear that will always bring tears to my eyes because they remind me of the wonderful times we had at my grandparents house. I do believe that if my grandparents were still here with us, the entire family would still be spending the holidays at their house, well ok maybe not their house but I am sure that we would at least rent a banquet hall to have our celebration. Wow what a wonderful vision that is, I could see my grandparents now, happy to see their kids, grandkids and great-grandkids all together again.
Thank you grandma and grandpa for all of the wonderful memories you gave me throughout my childhood. Those are the best presents I could ever have and I will cherish them forever.
I have been putting up Christmas stuff since Friday the 16th and in my husbands' blog he mentions that he had to pull from the attic 20+ rubber maid containers. I just wanted to correct his ass by saying that there is only 17 CONTAINERS!!!!! I too had previously stated in my blog that I had over 20 containers only because HE said I did. I should have known that he would stretch the truth just a TAD BIT!!
Wow, looking back at my life the one thing I would never go back to would be the times I had my heart broken. Those on and off break-ups, man did those suck! My baby girl (who is 16) came to me 4 days ago and asked "can you come and lay down with me?" I could see that she had been crying, and when I asked her what was wrong she said that she didn't want to talk about it right now and that she just wanted me to lay with her on her bed till she fell asleep. So I did, and it brought back those memories of when she was little and would crawl into my bed when she had a bad dream, or when I would just go and pick her up from her bed and bring her into mine, how I miss those days. I loved the fact that we would cuddle, our little bond. So on Tuesday as I lay with her my heart ached because I knew she was hurting (not sure of the reason) but I just wanted to take that hurt away. I left her room when she fell asleep, still wondering what was going on in her life. Nothing was said the next morning aout the previous night (sigh) ok no problem, she knows I am there for when she needs me.
Wednesday night she comes to me and tells me that her and her boyfriend of 2 years (who lives in Arizona) have been argruing alot lately and she said it was for stupid things. Again she was crying so I just held her and told her that everything would be ok. I tried to reassure her that all loves come and go and that no matter how old she is Love is going to hurt when the relationship is over. I also told her that she would survive without him even though she thinks that she cannot, I am a prime example of survival, so if I could do it so can she. Not to mention she is part of me so of course she will survive.
Again last night she wanted me to lay with her, so I did and I told her that I wish I could take her heart and sew it back together, this time with stronger thread so that it would never break.
She mentioned that she has tried to call him but that he is not returning his calls. I know that it is hard not to make those calls but I told her that she has to stop or she will drive herself crazy!
We lay in silence for half an hour, (I am holding her soft puggy little hand) when she in a soft voice says "I Love you Mommy", of course my tears start coming down, and all I can say before my voice cracks is " I love you too baby girl". She will never know how much that moment meant to me and that I will treasure that moment forever.
She is going to a birthday party tonight so I hope that her friends can keep her mind off of this boy if only for a little while.
Now let me just start out by saying that I do love my in-laws, I truly do, but there are times when I just wish they would just back off! I did warn my DH that I was writing about his parents, so this should not come as a surprise to him, actually once he reads this ( I know he will) he will probably post a rant about my parents which is fine with me. We all know that parents can drive us crazy at times. So....... here is my rant.
I ran out to the office yesterday morning so when I got back I noticed (2 hours later) that someone had called and left a message, I check the caller ID and see that it was the I-L's, so I listen to the message and my FIL says, "just me calling to let you know that there was a recall that we saw last night on the news about Mexican food, so call me back. They always do this when there is a recall on something, they call me immediately after they hear about the recalls.
So I call them back, and my MIL answers, she says " well on the news they recalled tor-till-us, I cringed because of how she pronounces the word. I said oh you mean torrrrrrrrr teeeeeeeee as, as it is pronounced and she said yes. OK!! I asked well what kind of tortillas? She says what do you mean? I proceed to tell her that not only are there different kinds of tortillas but there are also different name brands. She says well gee I don't know, I guess the recalled the flat kind. URGH!!!!!! I don't have time for this, is what I have screaming in my head. THE FLAT KIND? WTF!!!!!! I said ALL TORTILLAS ARE FLAT. She says well no there not, you guys have the taco shells! THOSE ARE CALLED TACO SHELLS NOT TORTILLAS!!!!!!! at this point I was laughing and yet still frustrated because they always call with half ass information. So she goes and asks my FIL and he says gee I dont know what kind. OK! I am done with this conversation, I tell her that I watched the news the night before as they did, but because I didn't watch channel 7 that was the reason I didn't hear about it. Well I respond back by stating that if something is recalled ALL CHANNELS will report about it. Well my FIL checks the internet to find out that the company DEL REY was the one who recalled their products. Ok well I don't buy Del REY because the stores out here do not sell DEL REY products. MIL dearest continues to say well it's not only those tor till us but all their products. AGAIN I tell her not to worry because I DO NOT BUY DEL REY PRODUCTS! 45 minutes on the phone with them about this subject. I went through the same thing with them when they recalled spiniach. I kept telling then that we do not eat spiniach and that was not good enough for them because they kept on and on about it. There are times when I enjoy their company, I know that they love me and all the kids but man one day I am going to snap because they are paranoid beyond paranoid. I am sure that my MIL didn't sleep at all knowing that there was Mexican items recalled and pulled from the stores.
So if you are interested in my inlaws please feel free to respond to my rant:
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As a child I was always excited when Christmas was just around the corner. Oh how I loved to go and visit Santa and tell him all I wanted. That is until I was in the 4th grade when some punk by the name of Andy was telling everyone that there was no such thing as Santa. I thought I was going to die! Seriously, I was devestated to say the least. I felt that my life changed, and out the window my childhood went. I promised myself that I would keep my children believing in Santa for as long as I could. Oh sure every kid runs into "Andy" and comes home to question their parents. Such did my daughter when she was in the 3rd grade, I would cringe when she asked, for I dreaded my kids finding out the truth. So I would always ask her "What do you think?" And her little innocent face would look at me and say "I believe that there is a real Santa", she would then run off to play or finish baking cookies with me. Well this went on for 3 more years, with my hubby laughing at me and shaking his head, he couldn't believe that I wouldn't tell her what he says she already knew. Finally she asked and I said well there is in fact a Santa but this one doesn't ride a sleigh with reindeer. I proceeded to tell her that yes all of your "Andy" friends are right, your parents are Santa. She smiled at me and said "I thought so".
I thought, "THAT'S IT? NO CRYING ABOUT IT? NO RANTING ABOUT IT?" She sure wasn't acting like I did when I heard the news. Goes to show you how mature kids are now a days. She did come back to ask "does that mean there is no tooth fairy and Easter bunny too?" LOL
Now comes my son, who is in the 5th grade and who has been asking me for the last 2 years "Mom is there really a Santa?"
I will approach it the same way I did for my eldest daughter, as I will with my twin girls when they start asking. If you believe that is all that matters.
Having that belief in Santa is so special to children that for me it is hard to finally tell them that the little round belly man in a red suit that drives a sleigh with 8 reindeer (plus Ruldolph) is just not true.
It is that time of the year when we will soon be sending out Christmas cards to those in our lives. I look back to a time in my life where I use to send out 100 Christmas cards, and I am not exaggerating. I love sending out cards to people especially for the holidays. I normally have them all ready to be mailed before Thanksgiving!
I would go store to store trying to find the " perfect cards" to buy. The fun part of sending cards is receiving them as well. Years ago I realized that I would send cards every year to the same people and there were a handfull that never sent one back in return. That's fine, no biggie alot of people don't like sending cards, it's not thier thing to do. However in my cards I would say things like "keep in touch" with my phone number listed, or "call me so we can catch up with each other and perhaps have dinner". Yes I would get a call here and there, but yet still there were people who wouldn't call nor send a card. So I came to the conclusion that I would stop sending cards to those who apparently I meant nothing to. Now yes that seems harsh to say but come on, if I can take the time to send you a card you can at least take the time to either send one back or give me a call. I know it is the season of giving, but when you are the one who is constantly giving it becomes tiring and frustrating. There are still some people that I have continued to e-mail or send a card to and I have heard nothing from them. Or there are some that say "yeah sure we have to get together soon, and soon never comes.
I know that people are busy with work and perhaps school, but the people I am talking about do not have kids, nor husbands for that matter. That is the part that really gets me going. Why is it that "I" am the only one trying to reach out? When I meet people and we click I like to stay in touch with them, and at one point of my life I did click with these people. So much so that I even had one stand up to my wedding! So I made myself promise that if I have not spoken to someone for over a year and that person has made no attempt to call or email me then I will not be sending anymore cards, no more phone calls no more nothing. It stops here. Life is precious and short and I am not going to cry over spilled milk anymore, I have way to much going on in my life right now to be dealing with people who are perhaps to busy with themselves to realize that there are people out there that touched their lives at one point. And this is not only friends (or should I say "so called friends") this goes for family as well. I would always send out cards, send invites to my kids parties, and many of my family members wouldn't even bother to call to say "gee, sorry I can't come..............
How hard is it to respond to an invite? Or to at least have the courtsey to call and say thanks for the card............... I guess people are much more busier than I am, funny but as far as I know we all work, many of us full time, and the majority of us have children, but the sad thing is that right now I am the one that has more kids than anyone and yet I am the only one reaching out to keep in touch.
That's sad, and it hurts...............................but not for long, I will now put all my energy in the people in my life "right now" and I will move forward, without looking back.
WOW!!! What a weekend!! Well it started on Thursday night when my niece looked a little flushed, I checked her temp and she was fine but still I had a feeling she was coming down with something, so I gave her childrens' motrin. Next morning I woke her up to get her ready for daycare when I noticed her face looked funny, so I put the light on only to see that sometime during the night she got sick and puked on herself, I have a feeling that even she didn't know what happened because she would have cried out when she was getting sick so she must have been real out of it. So I kept her home Friday, by Friday night she was fine but now my nephew was sick, he too was throwing up but at least he woke up crying so we heard him. Well he didn't feel better till Saturday night when the fever broke and no more puking, but wait my story doesn't end there. Like I said he felt better Saturday night, now Saturday night my youngest child starting to vomit and yes had a fever she had it worse than the other two, I was up with her all night, finally we fell asleep around 3am that is when her little body decided to let her sleep, that is until 6:30 this morning when she got sick again (for the last time). However once I got back from my sons' last football game my other younger child (Boo) started going down vomit city, and yes the fever hit her as well. As of now I have all the little ones in bed. Boo hasn't gotten as sick as her twin sister but the night is still young so we shall see. I still have two more children for this to hit as well as my husband and then of course yours truly. I hope that the rest of us do not enter the city of vomit. I am still dealing with those horrible coughs. Boy I sure do hate this time of year. I am sure I will one day soon catch up on the sleep that I lost this weekend. I just want to say good bye to Vomit City and hello to the holidays.
For the last few nights I was watching the news, I try not to because of all the horror stories so I try to turn it on right when the weather comes on. Well the last few nights I am sure you have seen that there have been women (mothers of young children) reported missing and/or killed. I sat last night and cried when they found the one mother from Chicago Heights, her youngest is 6. What the hell is going on? Why are all of these women dying by the hands of their husbands or boyfriends? One young mom of 2 from Aurora was found stabbed, her boyfriend did it, and do you know why? Because the MF didn't want to pay child support!! The mom from Plainfield, mother of two (close to where I live) still has not been found she was in the process of divorcing her husband. The mom from Chicago Heights was seperated from her husband. There is another mother from Boilingbrook (again close to where I live) she is still missing. Her family says that she asked her husband (who is a cop) for a divorce. And let's not forget Lacey Petterson and her unborn baby.............
As you all may know I am a mother of four and my first marriage ended in divorce. It was a horrible relationship that I stood in for 10 plus years. Ever since my first born was two I was threatened by my then husband that if I ever left him he would take her and I would never see her again. From the first time he said that to me I made sure that she knew my full name (maiden name as well) our phone number, our address, city and state...... AT THE AGE OF TWO!! Because of the moron that I was married to my poor baby had to learn things that kids her age don't know yet. When we would fight (which was almost all the time) I wouldn't sleep right, because I was afraid he would take her in the middle of the night. He also told me a few times that if he couldn't have me no one else would either. When I finally stood up to him and filed for divorce I thought for sure he would kill me, when I moved from Indiana back to Illinois I again thought he would kill me. I had stayed in what was our home for 8 months after our divorce and twice he came over breaking the door down, not to mention scaring the hell out of me. So that made me think twice about moving. When my daughter told him that I was getting remarried I thought he was going to kill me, then again when I told him that he had to sign the annulment papers, and once again when I was pregnant with my girls. Each time I felt his anger towards me, and if you haven't guessed by now, yes I am afraid of him, I try so hard not to let him see it but I am sure that if he looks closely he would get his satisfaction. Once my girls were born (5 years ago) I went into court to see if I could in fact increase my child support payments from the ex. Low and behold I was told that I could file every two years! I never knew that. So needless to say the ex owed MY kids lots of money. Two years ago the state awarded me his income tax check which surprised me and of course put the fear in me once again because I knew he was going to hit the roof. He had hired an attorney 2 years ago to fight me on the increase of child support which he lost the case( DUH, if the state tells you that you owe more money why in the world would you try to fight the system?). Well since he fought me for 2 years guess what? Yep, he owes ME more money. and I say me because I have paying for everything that our kids need,the child support checks dont even come close to what the expenses are. I had sent him a letter over a month ago with copies of medical bills that need to be paid (we each have a percentage that we have to pay). I was real nice ( no seriously I was, I don't need him taking any nasty letters I would write to him to court to show the judge) and stated that I needed to know within 30 days when he was going to pay those bills, he also owes $300. plus to the dentist from last year. I said that if I didnt hear back or if those bills didn't get paid or at least partially paid then I had no choice but to take him to court to get those bills paid. Well he never got back to me nor did he pay the bills. My attorney sent me a copy of the order showing when we have a court date about the back child support and so I was nice ( YES NICE) enough to send him a copy of it plus a copy of the letter my attorney sent to me stating that he still owes me additional monies because he has never paid for school books, school activies and musical instruments. With this last letter my fear came back because I knew that I would hit yet another one of his buttons. And of course, I did. He called my daughter, she said that he was real drunk (nice huh) actually he called her about 4 times each time leaving a message. One telling her that because of me he was turning off her phone that he pays (yeah I know he makes real sense). Now she knows that if I do not agree she cannot go with him, period. I casually mentioned this to my son, that he needs to remember that because he lives with me that his father cannot pick him up from school without my permission. Of course the school as this on file as well. But my fear still won't go away. I am always looking around for a car that looks suspicious, always looking out my rear view mirror to see if a car is following me, I use to have nightmares about him attacking me. People tell me to call down not to worry, he won't hurt the mother of his kids, but they don't know him like I do. And just tonight he tells MY son that he is in counseling because he is afraid he is going to hurt someone. OH THAT IS JUST FREAKIN' NICE!! Sorry this is so long but I feel that the more people know about my fear the more my life will not go in vain.