Rita's Rants n Raves

Well as most of you know today is grandmas' birthday, and even though it is a sad day (for me) because she is not here with us to celebrate I will try and do something different this New Years Eve, I just hope I don't change my mind. Ever since I can remember New Years was just like other holidays, we we always at grandmas' house. One year we even had a Mexican band in her living room! The look in her eyes was so beautiful, she was happy that her son V who was in the band would do this just for her. GOD I think alot of us would have done just about anything for her, I know I would and at times I did. I love (notice it is not past tense) her soooooooooo much that days like today make me sad because I wish that she were still with us. When the grandkids got older we didn't spend it at grandmas' because for one she was living with her youngest child and her family, so it was different, but I always called her before midnight and wished her Happy Birthday and a wonderful New Year. Since her passing I couldn't bring myself to go out and bring in the New Year, heck when she was alive I didn't like going out but it beat staying home doing nothing. But I felt that there was nothing to celebrate once she died, and so I would stay home with my kids. Every year since her death I try not to cry as we do the count down but it is hard not to. This year I have my foster kids' siblings with me ( I didn't want them left home alone and I knew this would in fact happen). I also called my neighbor and asked if they would like to come over with their boys and we can just "hang out". So far they are coming. I felt good making the call, it's like taking a baby step (finally) to perhaps ring in the New Year and not feel so sad. As I write this I am not sure I want to take that baby step now.
I hope I feel differently before they come over tonight.
Happy Birthday Grandma, I know that you are celebrating your birthday by dancing with grandpa, laughing and smiling. I love you forever............


Happy New Years to All!! May the Lord bring you the best in 2008