Rita's Rants n Raves

Don't ask how I can remember what I am about to write but I do, there are many things I remember when I was four and this is one of them.

I remember the day my mother went into labor with her second child, I being her first. It was at night I was already in bed and I heard my father on the phone with my grandmother telling her that they were going to drop me off at her house. While I was at my grandparents house I remember going to the phone when it rang and I was allowed to talk to my father on the phone I asked him if I had a brother and he said no that I had a sister, I hung up the phone. I was so mad because for some reason I wanted a brother and from that day on I would forever have issues with that sister.

Finally after waiting 13 years my wish came true. At the age of 17 I had a brother! For the first time in my life I knew what the word love meant. I loved that baby like if he were my own child. It was me who would end up getting his bottles at 2 in the morning, feeding him changing him rocking him to sleep and sometimes having him sleep with me so that I could get some sleep before I had to get up in the morning for school. I had a part-time job after school and when I would get paid the first thing I would do is go to Wolworth and buy my brother a toy. This boy never needed anything, I got him everything I could buy. I would take him out for walks in his stoller or take him outside just for some fresh air. He was my world.
When I was 18 I moved out, not because I wanted to but because I couldn't get along with my father, it killed me not to see my brother everyday, but I got to bring him to my apartment every weekend and boy did I enjoy that. I took him to the carnivals to the circus and even the zoo. I strongly feel that the guy I was dating at the time was jealous at the time I wanted to spend with my brother, but I couldn't help it I loved that little boy so much. Once I got married (the first time) the visits became minimal, not because I wanted it that way but because my then jealous boyfriend was now my husband.
I even took the day off on my brothers' first day of school, I cried when I had to leave him but I was there when school ended, I couldn't wait to see him and ask how is first day was. My brother was indeed spoiled I couldn't help but spoil him. I wanted to spend more time with my brother so I would go over to my parents house after work everyday just to spend some time with him. I was at all of his baseball games, I think I was the only one at the games with skirts and high heels!
As he got older we spent less time together and it broke my heart but I knew that we still had this bond between us that could never be broken. To me it was the blink of my eye when here I was at his High School Graduation, wow 18 years old and he was going to college and had a part time job, I saw a good future for him................
But that all changed because of where my parents lived. Gangs where everywhere and always trying to recuit him. He would tell me that he was more afraid of our parents kicking his ass than of the gangs. He never got into trouble in school and had many friends. My mother feared that if he didn't get out of the neighborhood that something bad would happen to him. So instead of talking to me she went straight to the sister I never got along with. And because of the bad blood between us she took my brother in just to spite me, she had rules for him as well. As long as he lived in "her" house he was never to come and visit me. My dad would bring him over to see me and oh what a joy it was to have him in my arms again. By then I had two kids of my own and on my second marriage but my love for this boy never ever changed, he knew I loved him but he was afraid of confrontation with his other sister so he stood away more than I know he wanted.
Well after a few years living with the "bad seed" she decided she no longer wanted him to live with her, so my mother called begging me to take him in. I was mad at her for not coming to me years before and I told her so, but I also told her that she didn't have to beg me to take him in, my door was always opened for him. I talked to my brother about it and he decided to go back home to where he would have his own room again. He was hurt, I could tell by his face that he would have to move back home because his own sister didn't want him anymore, and he knew that he could have stayed with me but because my place was not big enough at the time he chose not to stay with me. I will never forgive the bad seed for throwing him out! For it was then that his life was to change forever.
He was going to college and working but decided to take some time from school to work full time so that he could start saving money. When he moved back home he started going out with his friends, wanting to meet a girl and start dating. Well he met someone alright, someone who didn't deserve him, all she wanted was for someone to support her and her four kids. He fell hard for her and where I grew up everyone knows everyone so we knew she was trouble. My mom was hard on him which I knew was not going to work as far as him listening. I tried talking to him and telling him to please be careful. But he didn't listen to me either, (sigh)
He was dating this person (whom is 10 years his senior) for about 6 months when he lost his job, that is what happens when you choose to shack up with a broad instead of going to work. Soon after that I get a call from him telling me that I was going to be an aunt. I cried that night but I knew that I couldn't tell him how upset I was because he was sounded so happy, and to me that was all that mattered. He ends up having a healthy boy, I meet his son and I was happy for him. At this time they had to move in with my parents because not only is she a loser she is a gambler and would gamble his checks away instead of paying the rent. Now at this time the father of her two older children steps in and takes them away from her, leaving her with her two other kids that are not from this guy plus my nephew. Well I won't go into details about the living arrangements because we all know that living with other adults just don't work. She would sleep all day and go out all night while my brother watched the three kids, not to mention that at this point he has another job but if she didn't get home till 7am and he had to be at work at 7am there was no way this job was going to last seeing that they only the one car. Well, yep I was right that job was gone. Oh sure I know that not all of this is her fault, I mean my brother did let her get away with it instead of putting his foot down, but remember he is one that does not like to argue or fight, he would rather agree with you just to prevent argrument.
I had gone to visit my nephew/godson one day when my brother came up to me and stated that the broad was pregnant (AGAIN). He knew this time I was not happy. I told him that they both needed to get jobs and save their money to get their own place, they couldn't be mooching anymore. Once again I was not listened to. A week before my newphews' first birthday his little sister enters the world. MY FIRST NIECE!!! Here I was 40 and I was so excited to have a niece. I thought that perhaps things would change for the better for my brother, but his nightmare began 2 months after his daughter was born. I cannot say for sure what happened, and I know I will never know but the baby had a broken arm, naturally DCFS stepped in took the kids and both parents were charged for harming the baby. At this time I aged 10 years. MY BABY BROTHER WAS GOING TO JAIL!!!!!!! And there was nothing I could do to save him. Our lives were turned upside down in a matter of seconds and I just wanted to die. This young man whom had never had a fight of any kind was so quite and sweet was now behind bars. Now my parents never had a savings, always living paycheck to paycheck had to come up with bail money, we do not know any people that have that kind of money, how could this be happening to my family! My parents had to come up with $30,000.00, my brother called crying that we had to get him out, he had no clue as to what they charged him with nor the amount his bail was. The detectives did to him what they have done to others and what we see them do to people in the movies. They forced them to sign confessions. My brother trusts and believes in people so much that it was costing him his freedom. For 30 days he was in jail, I went to him and I just wanted to die, this precious person that was a part of me was in a place he didn't belong. I knew that this was killing my parents, I had never ever heard my mother cry the way she was for her son. I would talk to him on the phone everyday and he would tell me that he knew he was coming home before Thanksgiving, I never told him that I didn't think he would, he truly believed he would and I didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. My parents took out their 401k funds cashed in their life insurance policies to finally come up with his bail. It took weeks before they would get the checks and then of course they had to wait for the funds to clear. The day before Thanksgiving two years ago, by brother lay on his bed in jail and said a prayer with the priest that came by that night and as the lights went out he said to his cellmate "I am going home tonight". He did indeed go home that night and he called me as soon as he was in my dads van and all we could do was cry. I saw him on Thanksgiving Day, I grabbed him and hugged and kissed him not wanting to let him go. We knew his nightmare was far from over but at least he was alive and home where he belonged.

Tomorrow my brother has court again, and this time he wants to plead guilty, he told me that he is tired of all of this and that he wants his kids back home with him. I told him that if he pleads guilty he will go to jail for a long time and that this will be on his record for the rest of his life. Not only will this kill me but I do not think my parents will survive this. This nightmare has taken alot out of our lives, and I pray that this time he will listen to me and ask the courts for a jury trail, at least this way he has a chance, a chance for his freedom, a chance for his children, a chance for his life.
No matter what he decides tomorrow, I could never stop loving him, for he is part of my world, someone that I prayed to GOD for when I was four years old, he is my brother.........................